Nelson Mandela

It seems like Nelson Mandela wont survive 2013. It's gonna be sad but beautiful I think. Just look at this man:

Rocking The Daisies 2013!

So. The Swedish AND awesome band The Hives is coming to the festival Rocking The Daisies in October.

I went to that festival last year and it was really nice. Kinda small (about 15 000) and calm compared to the european festivals but really cool! They have, except from the bands playing, great dance tents with coll dj's, stand up comedy and of course a really nice area surrounded with mountains!

Even Skunk Anansie is coming and oh how they remind me of my youth, late 90's. Hedonism was one of my favourite songs! I will by my ticket really soon, that's for sure!

Stop!

I'm done. No more complaining. It took me 3 weeks to adjust to this. I love Sweden. I love how well we take care of this country (compared with almost all other countries in the world), I love the light summer nights, I love to be around my family and friends, I love my job here. 

And I DO miss Cape Town everyday. I miss the mountains, the ocean, all you crazy people, my job, the kids, the fun nights out. But it's still there in september so I will, from now, ENJOY my time here and trust in all of you in Cape Town to be there and be the same when I'm back! 

No more sad face from me!

Good mor.... day!

Slept till 12. That was needed. Been a long weekend with lots of work and way too less hours of sleeping. Today I'm kind of off. But I took an extra shift so I will work tonight again, starting at 10 pm.. Money is funny in a rich mans world you know...

I really feel like I just want the days to pass by, so the nice days can come. On friday my friend Malin is coming here, from Eskilstuna. That will be nice! I need to do something, for me, something fun. The 3 weeks I've been home have been mostly about work.

I really miss my life in CT. I don't wanna complain about it. But it's so totally different lives and it's hard to explain to anyone. Sometimes I feel very lonely because of this. Because no one here knows how I feel and what I'm talking about and neither do anyone in CT because they don't know what I'm comparing with here in Sweden. And it's hard to complain about something that no one understands. I will only sound like a spoiled complaining bitch that should be happy that she is in Sweden with her family and friends and soon again will see her friends in CT. But still, I'm just saying, it's actually hard and I don't feel very good about it.

Gotta take a walk/run now and clear my head.

Bah!

I think I'm just tired. But I really have a bad feeling sneaking in. It's my head playing games with me I know that. I know me. Better than ever before. But I hate this. So I am gonna sleep and wake up as a more normal and nice person. Good night.

One more day at work, then I'm done with my 35 hours (in 3 days). Will sleep like a baby tonight, I'm sure. And to NOT set the alarm for tomorrow will be awesome!

I have 2 free weekends in a row after this. For most of you a free weekend is obvious, but not for me, not this summer. I work 8 of 12 weekends.. So I will make the best out of them for sure!

I really don't have anything to write at the moment...

Wake up!

This day is so much better than yesterday. I have my break downs, but I need them to get on my feet and wake up again and realise things are not that bad. That's me. I have to live with that I think. And everyone that knows me too. Sorry for that :)

So, midsummer today. I'm working. Feels ok. Gonna be nice and I also do a lot of money! Win win.

Nothing more to say. HAVE  A NICE WEEKEND.

15 000 km.

You are all saying; You are back there in 3 months, it's gonna be quick, time will fly.
I'm saying; Times is fucking ticking. Slow.

It's not that I don't like it here. It's not that I'm sad. It's just that I miss Cape Town and my life there and everything that it includes and today I really miss Peter. I just do. And yes, I'm scared. Scared that 3 months is longer than it sounds.

I try to think positive, or not to think at all. But you who know me know that it's not me. I am a thinker, an analyser. I can be so damn logical sometimes. But at the same moment I go crazy and my feelings are just getting in the way of my brain.

I wish I could bring my family and my closest friends to Cape Town. Then everything would be perfect. But I can't get everything, I know that.

Time is ticking way to slow...

This is home, but it's not. Who knows how that feels? I do. And it's really confusing.

Bah

Crappy day.

Let's go to work and have fun.
Yepp.

Let's do it!

WORK WEEK.
Today 14-22.30
Thursday 14-22.30
Friday 14-23.30
Saturday 11-23.30
Sunday 11-23.30

Money money money ;)

First some work out and then lunch with Paulina.

Feels like a long time ago but also like yesterday

Excuse me, but I'm gonna be that girl now.

First time I met you and you took my hoodie! 

First time out to meet some of your friends.
Haha, I was nervous as hell that they wouldn't like me

Valentines day. Spent with friends and great food.
I think this was when I started to like you even more. we took that silly day and made it awesome. 

Im writing this mostly because I'm bored and because I miss you. You know how I feel. But why not letting people know. ALL my 20-ish readers :) 

2 weeks

So. I've been home 2 weeks now. I don't wanna be the complaining bitch. I really don't. But this is hard for me. I have no idea where I belong here. I have friends. But they are all busy with their lives here. I feel like I'm stuck in the middle of two worlds and I can, right now, not reach out to any of them. I guess this summer is gonna be mostly about work, training and movies. I have 3 weekends that I'm not working and they are already planned. There are no room for anything spontaneous which is sad. But, I'm not dying, I'm ok, and I won't complain too much, promise. It's just nice to get it out of me and if you don't wanna hear about it, just stop reading here because I wont talk about it anywhere else. I appreciate that I have all my friends and my family in my life and that I get to live in spring/summer all year long. I really love my life and I love everyone around me. BUT it is still kind of hard right now so just let me have this blog to write about that and then I can feel and act happier everywhere else!

2 years ago

I MISS MY BODY FROM 2011 !

From Jamie

"Hey Tania!! I hope you have a good flight home and then safe travels when you return. I just wanted to tell you that I am so glad I met you. You are such a inspiring person and you reminded me a lot of things about myself that I had forgotten. Most importantly, you really do have to be the change you wish to see in the world. You are such a kind hearted person and I will seriously miss not seeing you every day. I adopted you as a big sister figure, so I hope thats okay. I miss you already and I wish you all the best and I hope some day I'll see you again!!"



Miss her! 

Night shift

Working night shift this weekend. 10 pm - 08 am. Very calm night. All kids at home, almost everyone is already sleeping . Couldn't ask for an easier start. All the kids are awesome, as usual. I really like this job. I've missed it!

Later.

Come on..

I'm not that girl.
Not anymore.
Come on.
Get my shit together. Now.
I refuse to get in to that mode again.
I'm so much better than that.

Damn. Why is it so hard.

Ok, let's make this day WAY better than yesterday.

Dreams dreams dreams

I hate my dreams. That they affect my thoughts, my feelings and my day as much as they do. I can't help it. The most annoying thing is that it's old stuff, old habits, old behaviour and old ME that comes out. And I really don't like that, at all. I won't blame the guys or anyone else. It's on me now. Whatever they did to me, it's up to me to be clever enough to know that it's not everyones way of doing stuff. The thing is I DO know this and I trust people so much more nowadays. And I like stuff I didn't like before, in a relationship. I think I had a good way of thinking back in the days. But one 4 year old relationship with a lot of betrayals and lies and other stuff that really did put me down very low for years killed my sense of what's normal. I'd got used to be treated like shit and thought I was the one to blame, cause that's what I was told. I always looked for guys that could like me for what I am but I always ended up to behave like they wanted me to do, because I thought my way was "wrong".

Because, the truth is; I am a little weird and I am a little crazy. But that's who I am. I can't and wont change all of that. That's me. Take it or leave it.

I have to stop thinking about things like that I'm not good enough. I have to realise that I met someone that is great. That wont tell me how to be or what to do or what to not do. I have to realise that I can be special enough for someone. That someone can think that I'm great and awesome. 3 months away from each other when we haven't even been together for long, is scary to me. It is. I'm still scared to be left alone again. But I try to think straight, logical and to not freak out. I try to tell my self that I don't have to know everything and that just because he is not answering my message I don't have to freak out. It's not all about me. But it's also not NOT about me. He likes me, he does. And I will say I'm sure he wouldn't hurt me, and I mean it. I have never been able to say that before, about anyone, and felt like I meant it and believed it.

He is great. I am great too! I have to remember that!

YOU

I really miss you. A lot.

Best love song ever

Goddamn you half-Japanese girls 
Do it to me every time 
Oh, the redhead said you shred the cello 
And I'm jello, baby 
You won't talk, won't look, won't think of me 
I'm the epitome of Public Enemy 
Why you wanna go and do me like that? 
Come on down to the street and dance with me 

I'm a lot like you so please 
Hello, I'm here, I'm waiting
I think I'd be good for you 
And you'd be good for me 

I asked you to go to the Green Day concert 
You said you never heard of them 
How cool is that? 
So I went to your room and read your diary: 
"Watching Grunge leg-drop New-Jack through a press table..." 
And then my heart stopped: "Listening to Cio-Cio San 
Fall in love all over again." 

I'm a lot like you so please 
Hello, I'm here, I'm waiting
I think I'd be good for you 
And you'd be good for me

How stupid is it? I can't talk about it 
I gotta sing about it and make a record of my heart 
How stupid is it? Won't you give me a minute
Just come up to me and say hello to my heart 
How stupid is it? 
For all I know you want me too 
And maybe you just don't know what to do 
Or maybe you're scared to say: "I'm falling for you"

I wish I could get my head out of the sand 
'Cause I think we'd make a good team 
And you would keep my fingernails clean
But that's just a stupid dream that I won't realize 
'Cause I can't even look in your eyes 
Without shakin', and I ain't fakin' 
I'll bring home the turkey if you bring home the bacon. 

I'm a lot like you so please 
Hello, I'm here, I'm waiting
I think I'd be good for you 
And you'd be good for me 

I'm a lot like you.
I'm a lot, and I'm waitin. 
I think I'd be good for you 
And you'd be good for me.

The good life

First day at work. And it was great! These kids! I love them. It felt good to feel that they really missed me. And I've missed them more than I realised too. And all the new kids seems really great too. I think it's a really nice and calm group right now. Good for me, to start with that. To work as much as I'm going to this summer doesn't feel like a problem at all. To be at work feels like being home. Gosh, I've missed it more than I could ever imagine.

Tomorrow I'm off again and the day will be spent in the sun. I try to capture the nice weather as long as it's here. You never know with swedish weather.. And I will also swim at least 500 meters! Some kind of exercise every day, that's the promise for this summer. (I'm allowed to skip it when I work 12 hours/day or when I'm on a trip somewhere)

Well, I'm tired. Good night.

Nonsense

Yesterday 5,5 km walk in 45 minutes.
Today 4,4 km walk in 37 minutes. 

Will try to wake up and take a walk before work tomorrow also.

Will be fun to go to work. Im excited. Will be nice to see everyone again. There are also a lot of new kids, that I didn't meet before I left.

I don't really have a lot to write. I slept away half this day, nothing else to do. I need to find ways to keep myself occupied on days like this, otherwise I will go crazy.

Wel,, I will write again next time when I actually have something to write about. 

Reality

This is my reality now. I know that. But I can't help to just counting the weeks. One done. Eleven to go. My plan for the summer is:

Week 24 : Start work again. Gonna be fun to meet all my co-workers and all the kids.
Week 25: Lots of work again. 6 days. Wont be time for anything else. Good, time will run and I wont spend money.
Week 26: Only 2 days of work, free weekend. Will see what to do, maybe go to Eskilstuna to Malin? Will see.
Week 27: Work and then a weekend in Stockholm with Dina and Caroline.
Week 28: Working 6 days.
Week 29: Work. maybe doing a channeling trip on Göta Kanal with Matilda on the sunday.
Week 30: Work.
Week 31: Work.
Week 32: Some work but then going to a festival with Matilda! SWEET! Check it out HERE.
Week 33: Saying bye to everyone here and then off to Stockholm and a great concert with Robyn / Kent / Winnerbäck.
Week 34: BACK IN CAPE TOWN.


----
I miss him. A lot.

Oh Sweden..

More things I can put on the list for being "sweden" or "swedish" :

* Lots of people are very superficial
* The milk tastes so good!
* I've missed my family more than I realised
* It's super expensive to eat out
* Everything is very green
* Internet is super fast and super cheap
* The air is fresh and nice

New start

I've promised myself to take care a little bit more of myself when I'm here in Sweden. Take care of my body and my health. I will be honest with you. In SA I lived like this:
* almost no exercising
* alcohol more than 4 days a week
* lots of burgers and pizza
* way too much cigarettes

I gained 4,5 kilos when I was there. Not that much and I don't really care about weight. BUT I lost all my muscles and my body is softer than it ever been and I feel so damn unfit and unhealthy. I'm not happy with that. I'm not used to it, that's why. It's not "me"!

I never been a health freak and I never will be. I like the good life and I won't stop that. BUT I will start to think a little bit now. Way less alcohol, way less cigarettes and way more exercising. Also, I will try to eat better food, for sure. No fast food for me! In SA it's harder to stay away from it, the food is so cheap and also the hamburgers in SA is of another world, SO good.

It will start today.

I will take a walk to my sisters house later on, it's a walk of 5 kilometers. It's a start. I hate to run so we will see. I probably just take longer and longer walks. Maybe some intervals. And, lots of sit ups and push ups!

Wish me luck.

Great memories.

I actually like it!

My hometown is a real beauty in the summer! 

Today has been so nice so far. It's 24 degrees and not a cloud in the sky. I've been visiting my sister and her family. My niece Othilia, almost 4 years old, is still the funniest kid I know! My dad came with us and we also visited my other sister that has been moving to a nice apartment with big garden. Soon my third sister is coming over to my mums place, with her boyfriend, to eat lunch. So in one day I've met almost everyone :) Only my two brothers left.

It's Sweden's national day today and tomorrow it's an important soccer game, sweden-austria. Can't be more "swedish" than this I think. I feel so ok to be home. I hope that feeling lasts!

Sweden

Not that warm.
Light till 11 pm.
Quiet.
Fast internet.

That's what I payed attention to so far.