Time to wake up again

Been away for a while. Unlike a few years ago I don't want, or need, to share everything here. I don't need people to know how I feel. Cause these days I can actually TELL my friends how I feel. Something I had a huge problem with, for years. These days it's easier. It's still hard, but I'm trying. And it's probably easier also because I met people the last 2-3 years that understands me more, that I feel like I "click" with and can open up to.

It's been a shitty last month. In many ways. So much stress, a broken heart (that I really hope is gonna be good again, we'll see, small steps) and I've actually been a little homesick.

About homesickness. I miss people. I think I wanna go back. But as soon as I think about actually living in Sweden, work, have a normal life there, I know it's not for me. I just miss people. I wont say I didn't need or appreciate my family before. But I've been getting closer to them the last years, so I miss them more because they have become a bigger part of my life.

I also want things to be good again. Yes with P. I really want that. Just need to figure out how. And if it's possible. I always told myself to follow my heart. I still think it's the right way. The way that makes my heart less hurt, is the way I need to go. And I love him. And I respect him. And I appreciate him so much. I never ever met anyone that great and understanding as him. Now it's a lot up to me to make sure it stays like that, from both sides.

So I just shared a lot here anyway, I see. Haha.

I am ok though. I'm just struggling with a lot of thoughts and feelings at the moment. What I want. What I need. Just need time.