Every FUCKING morning.

Every morning I wake up with a terrible feeling inside. My brain goes nuts from dreams I have all night. I think of him EVERY morning, the first thing, when I wake up. It's fucked up. HOW can someone be so special to anyone else? How can I not be special to him anymore? HOW the hell do I get over this shit? I just wanna disappear. I'm too tired. Tired of this. And he wont understand. He never will. He is fucking ice cold and mad and angry and tired of me. It hurts. He wont give me time. He wont have time for me anymore. He doesnt care. He just lives on, moves on. I even guess he is with other girls already, having fun, while I cant even talk to another guy without being irritated if he even tries to flirt with me. I can not even think about being with someone else yet. It makes me feel sick. I do not want anyone else to touch me. Never.

I AM FUCKED UP.

OR.

I LOVE HIM.

And it sucks. He is not worth my energy. Really not. I know that deep inside. But I do feel what I do feel. And he just moves on, without me. I hate this.

Tired of crying. Tired of lost apetite. Tired of killing my brain with alcohol. TIRED.