12 september 2013

2 weeks

Been here 2 weeks now. Feels like I never left if I'm honest. I feel so much more comfortable now though. I feel some kind of calmness inside of me. I've been looking for that feeling a long time. I know the biggest reason is because I know I can stay here for as long as I want now. And I've found a place to stay where I know I'm gonna feel like home. I share a big flat with Janilla. Just the two of us. I have a big bed, my own balcony and I'm 10 minutes from town and 5 minutes from work. Perfect balance. I also found a soccer team to play with and another big reason; I feel 100% good with Peter now.

I needed those 3 months away to build up my trust to him and to see if he really cares about me. Issues in my head you know.. I can still find myself pretending in my head how it would feel like if he would cheat on me. Stupid fucking head of mine! Normally it starts with a dream that gets me in a bad mood and then I start to think more and more about it. It eats me up. But I've learned to get it to stop quicker and to not really let it get to me to much. But sometimes it's still hard. I'm not sure I could handle something like that again. I've had enough. It's my turn now, to actually be with someone nice. Yepp. And I really think he is. I just have to convince my brain and heart that too.

Tomorrow another volunteer arrives. Exciting. It's gonna be a lot of work this year. Our business is growing for sure. I never been doing something like this before and it's really cool to do something where I feel like I learn something new almost every day. But I must admit. I miss the kids. The kids back home and also the kids here. I need to go to some of the projects soon and hang out with them. Do something. I need some energy. That kind of energy that only kids can give you!

Time to sleep. It's a long day tomorrow!

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