Visa

Ok. Been talking to Home Affairs. It doesn't seem to be a problem to stay here and get a 1 year volunteer visa. BUT I need papers from the police and and also a x-ray of my lungs. Will take some time. I hope I'm not too late. But yeah, It will be fine, I'm sure.

Anyway, nothing to tell. Later...

This is the year

Just had a meeting with my boss and this year is gonna be exciting. A LOT of work, but VERY exciting. I am ready to put a lot of time of my days to do this for real. And I feel so glad that I'm appreciated for what I do.

For the first time in my life I feel a little bit homesick. Never had that before. But I think it's because I never been away this long before and I miss my friends and family a lot. Mostly I miss my closest girl friends. I miss to TALK about stuff with people that knows me for real. To talk about stuff without explaining why I'm feeling like I do. My close friends knows exactly. And yes, I am a little bit fucked up when it comes to some stuff and it takes a long time to understand those things about me.

So, Matilda, Malin, Dina, Sandra, Madde, Elin and more of you people, get ready to TALK a lot when I'm home in June.

It's also this thing about being in a relationship. I admit it, I'm not good at it. At all. I get so damn paranoid all the time. It's a weakness in me. I always feel scared to fuck things up or to get fucked up. Right now I'm at the moment of a relationship when it starts to feel "too" serious that I'm ready to run away and just let it go. Cause, the longer it goes, the more it will hurt if it gets fucked up. So I'm looking for wrongs and other things to tell me "leave"...

Yepp, I'm a weirdo. But what to do. I like him. A lot. In my head "too much" ...

Hanna left this week. I miss her like crazy.
She is the first person here that was getting close to be a real friend.
(except Gee of course, she is always here for me)
And she still is gonna be, but yeah, I want her here!

Just love it!

I was gonna write a boring and complaining post. I am SO tired, again, I should just learn to get to sleep earlier! Anyway, I wont complain, I just got the photos from the day in Phumlani and there is so much LOVE and I just realize (again) that I am so happy here and I don't wanna be anywhere else.

(more pics at facebook)

Boooooooring?

I've been so tired the last week! I've tried to be out and social but I always end up as the boring one who wanna go home and sleep. Have no idea why. I feel a little bit more awake today though.

Weekend's coming up. But I'm working tomorrow morning, going to a township for 4 hours with volunteers and students. Will be nice tho, I've missed to be out on the field. I'm really not a office person. I get bored and restless and I feel like I'm not doing anything good. I know I do, but some days I just wanna be out there, interact with the people.

This morning I met one of the streetkids. I was already late for work, but I took some time and bought us breakfast and had a chat with him. Came to work 30 minutes late. But this is Africa, so no worries. And I had a nice time and I think he had too.

I am in a "Bored time" of my life. I get bored. With stuff, people, places. Everything.. I will try to get back to normal mode soonest.

This country stole my heart a long time ago.

I love you but I've chosen Cape Town.

Paranoia!

My paranoia is better than before. If I take a look at myself just 2-3 years ago, I'm getting much better. BUT sometimes it's around me again. Can't help it. I blame assholes in my life. And myself, for not being more confident. I should know better then over analyse things I have no idea what they are about.  And I should remember when my guts is telling me "no, Tania, that's nothing", it probably is nothing. I haven't been wrong many times when I ACTUALLY thought something was going on that wasn't right in my life. My guts are almost always right.

BUT I will also say, I'm betting better on handling it. I actually talk about it instead go walking around getting too crazy. And maybe I'm also happy to have someone around that can take it, the stupid questions and actually answer them, instead of getting irritated.

Alive!

Been busy with work and also with NOT working (meaning = no computer time if I'm not in the office). I have a lot to do at work as it's coming 15 (!!!!) students and volunteers in April. A LOT of planning to do! But it's a challenge and I like it.

Anyway, it's all good. Life is treating me well now. Might be like I have some kind of boyfriend? Whaaaaah, it sounds weird. But also good. I try not to put too much in to it. Just take it for what it is.  I still have problems to trust. It's more about believe that ANYONE is with me and only me, and that other girls aren't more interesting, or that He's not getting bored with me. Afraid of getting left alone. I just don't trust that I'm good enough I guess, which sucks. But I'm working on it. I blame a lot of assholes and my over analyzing brain! :) It's just some small stuff that I see and hear sometimes that gets me to worry, but I'm kinda sure it's nothing. I'm just so damn paranoid sometimes.

Johanna is coming here in March, that's exciting. First of my friends that's coming to visit. Can't wait!

Back to work. Just wanted to update you a little bit...

Almost mugged

I was in Observatory, wich is a kinda safe neighbourhood. I was just walking from the shop to the car. The car was parked one road behind Lwr Main Road. Lwr Main is the road where all the pubs and restaurants are. I've been walking there, alone, so many times before. When I came to the car, I opened, and put my bag on the other seat. I sat down and was just gonna close the door when I realized I had someone in my face.

This guy, probably around 25 years old, is saying "give me your phone or I shoot you". He said it in such a weird way so I didn't take it seriously. For one second I thought "do I know this guy? Is he making fun of me?" I am so bad with names and people here and always forget who I met or not.. But when I was kind of laughing he went a little more serious and said "Give me the phone ot I'm FUCKING shooting you".  Then I understood he was serious. You guys know I lost a lot of phones and I really didn't want that to happen again, so I said "I don't have a phone man.." He didn't believe me :) So He says again "give me your phone!!!!" and then he kind of lent over me a bit to see if he could see the phone. (it was hidden under my wallet somehow, next to my seat). I start to tell him I can give him money... In the same moment I realize ha doesn't have a gun, he is just holding a small stick in his hand. So, I got out of the car, pushed him away and screamed. He walked away and I shouted "Fuck you, Fuck off" And he said "you are stupid..." I just said back "no YOU are the stupid one man" His reply was "You.... I will find you". Then he was gone.

I sat down in the car. Shaking. Was thinking of going to Trenshtown and have a drink, where I know Jake was. But he was on a date so, no, didn't want to do that.. I just took the car, drove to the closest gas station, bought cigarettes and talked to some taxi drivers about what happened to me. (love this country, where you can talk to stranger without beeing a freak)

I don't know why I reacted like this. But I knew I was in a place where it's always people around so there were no way he could get away with it, IF he tried to hurt me. And the fact that he didn't have a gun, just some weird wood stick made me feel "safer" too. And I REALLY didn't want to get my phone stolen. Have no time or money for that. I just got pissed of actually, haha, croatian temper..

Well, I'm fine now. And will know next time to look over my shoulder, even in Obs when I walk alone.

Back home

Finally back home. I'm still tired. Have some hours of sleep to catch up. But I'm fine. The tours were awsome. I really had fun and learned a lot on the way. And did the bungy jump!!! The most amazing thing I've ever done in my life actually. Can't even describe it. Just do it if You have a chance!

I will update more tomorrow when I'm in the office.

Later.

Garden Route

For real

I miss. After 2 days. Im a geek. But that's ok.

On the roads for 8 days

Tomorrow we are going away for a Road Trip at Garden Route. We are taking around 25 students from UCT (University of Cape Town). Me and Wesley are in head of the first one, leaving tomorrow. 2 other groups are leaving on sunday and monday. Me and Wesley will be back on tuesday, and will leave again on wednesday for another one. Hectic, but fun! It will be fun, I've never been to Garden Route before. I just hope that the students will be happy and wont have things to complain about :)

Back to work!