Me and my friends

Patrick. Mumz. Me. Peter. Stu. Que.
A random saturday in november with tequilas way too early in the morning.

Time to wake up again

Been away for a while. Unlike a few years ago I don't want, or need, to share everything here. I don't need people to know how I feel. Cause these days I can actually TELL my friends how I feel. Something I had a huge problem with, for years. These days it's easier. It's still hard, but I'm trying. And it's probably easier also because I met people the last 2-3 years that understands me more, that I feel like I "click" with and can open up to.

It's been a shitty last month. In many ways. So much stress, a broken heart (that I really hope is gonna be good again, we'll see, small steps) and I've actually been a little homesick.

About homesickness. I miss people. I think I wanna go back. But as soon as I think about actually living in Sweden, work, have a normal life there, I know it's not for me. I just miss people. I wont say I didn't need or appreciate my family before. But I've been getting closer to them the last years, so I miss them more because they have become a bigger part of my life.

I also want things to be good again. Yes with P. I really want that. Just need to figure out how. And if it's possible. I always told myself to follow my heart. I still think it's the right way. The way that makes my heart less hurt, is the way I need to go. And I love him. And I respect him. And I appreciate him so much. I never ever met anyone that great and understanding as him. Now it's a lot up to me to make sure it stays like that, from both sides.

So I just shared a lot here anyway, I see. Haha.

I am ok though. I'm just struggling with a lot of thoughts and feelings at the moment. What I want. What I need. Just need time.

Empty

I can't even explain how I feel. Because I don't know. I feel empty and sad. I have no words. I know it might gonna turn out ok. It's not definitive. But at this moment, right now, I'm just sad and.... EMPTY. But I also wanna take this time and think and see where it's gonna take me. Take us.

I don't feel like doing anything at all. But I also don't wanna sit at home.

All I want for christmas is you.

Lite sådär.

Since you've been gone I can do whatever I want.

But...

I need to calm down again

I need to get back to that mind I had the last 1,5 year. I know I can do it. It just been 2 stressful months. And I admit it, I'm not good with stress. I'm so sorry for all the people that has been affected. I did not mean it. And I will do everything to get back on track now. Thats's a promise to myself and to all of you around me.

Soon its christmas and we are closing the office for 2 weeks. Oh how I need that vacation!

Nelson Mandela 1918-2013

My father telling me about Nelson Mandela when I was a kid made me to always have South Africa as my number 1 country that I wanted to visit.

15 years later I went here. And I didn't leave.

I could never guess that this country would be my home one day. I feel home here, and today I feel very proud to be living in a country that had one of the absolutely best persons ever as a leader.

I will always love this rainbow nation.
If everyone could be a little bit more like Nelson Mandela this world would be a better place to live in.

Rest in Peace Nelson Rolihlahla Mandela

Man the F Up: Sivuyile "Siv" Ngesi at TEDxTableMountain

A friend of mine, Siv Ngesi, is having a serious talk about the rape problem in South Africa.
Man the F up! 

Listen. I got goosebumps...

2013

I think this year has been the most changing and nice year in my life so far. I think I never had a year when I was actually happy all year long. Yes, 3 months in Sweden away from Peter was hard, but also very needed and in the end I can see that it was only good for us. In so many ways. I also had a lot of stress at work, but never in a way that made me sad. Just frustrated. I really got to realise how much my family means to me and I had some moments with my closest friends that really changed my mind. I think this year was that year of relief. I feel relieved. I feel calm. I feel that I'm finally really myself. And I appreciate that and understand that I am good enough. And I'm so damn happy for all the friends that I have today!

I really think that it's true:
I came here to change Cape Town, but Cape Town changed me. 

I have some people back in Sweden that I want to come here. I know it would do good to them, in a lot of ways! This city is really a mind opener. Mostly because it's so ok to be who ever you are and no one is really judging, at all. I think a lot of people back home in Sweden could need to feel that for a while. 

African time.

Today African Time is stressing me OUT!!!! Gosh. How hard is it to plan, organise and stick with it? Seriously.

It's really nice to not have to stress all the time and that it's ok to be a little late and to be able to let people know last minute that you wont come to the party you are invited to (because I'm actually tired). It's nice to be able to over sleep but still have time to shower and eat breakfast. It's nice to just let things be for a day and you know you can fix it tomorrow.

BUT when it comes to work and professionalism it's really annoying and not helping any business at all! Why is it so hard to organise things here in time, and BEFORE things are about to happen? It's more stressing than to have a lot of planning to do... Because when you have planned it all, you can just let it go and do the next thing. You wont have 1000 things to do at the same time.

Well, I guess I have to get along with it or move back home. And we all know I don't want that ;)

I'll never let you go

I'm just a little sentimental. Nothing too bad. I just realise that I have something really good. That I really don't wanna lose. Ever.

Silly me

Ok. Enough. I will stop it now! It's been years. I should have learned by now!

Family.

I normally don't get home sick. It might sound bad. But it's just something about me, I like to be away from home. Even when I was a kid I loved to go away, sleep over at friends places or at my grandmothers place. Whenever there was soccer camps I was more than happy. Might sound like I wasn't happy at home. It wasn't about that. I just really love the feeling of "being on the road". Like this summer when I walked for days to protest about refugee politics in Sweden. We were like 30 people just walking and sleeping at different places every night. Hanging out, chilling and then you bring out your sleeping bag and sleep where ever there is space. It's a little bit like living in a bubble and escape from reality. No "musts" or real rules. It's freedom for me.

Today tho, I miss home. But it's actually more the people that I miss. I guess it has to do with that Matilda been here and she just left. Someone that really knows me was here. It's really relieving to be able to talk to someone and I just have to say three words and she knows exactly what I'm saying. Also this summer was so great in Sweden. I miss the light summer nights. To be able to walk alone in the middle of the night. To not feel like I have to look over my shoulder all the time.

Today I miss my family a lot. I spent a lot of time with them this summer. More than usually. Guess it's that thing called growing up and appreciate things in another way ;) I miss Othilia, she is getting bigger and bigger and it's a shame I miss out on that. I miss my father and my mother. You know, to just go there, hang out at their place, eat food. Just be myself and no need of talk. Just the feeling of being around people you love.

Last year my father came here for christmas. This year it wont be anyone here. I will trust my other family (all awesome friends here) to take care of me. I hope it wont feel way to bad.

But I think this is just for today. I normally don't get homesick. And it's summer here. Soon real winter in Sweden. So I feel okay. I'm good. Just missing some of the loved ones..

Not a good day.

Today is not a good day. Matilda left to go back to Sweden.
And....
... I feel fat and unhealthy.

Just a day like that. I will be ok tomorrow.

BUT I should really start to do something about myself. Talking about my health. My weight. My smoking. My bad living. Seriously. I eat and drink too much. Exercise way too little (like NOTHING) and smoke way too much. Problem is. I have nothing that motivates me. I like food. I like my Hunters Dry and I really don't enjoy to exercise. If it's not football. And I really love a cigaret to my wine ;) lol.

WHAT TO DO?

I have no idea. Start with the smoking part maybe? Should I give it a try? Should I? Do I want too? I only know that I SHOULD. Damn it.

Maybe I should start swimming. Summer is here. There is a pool in Observatory. Its 6 rand to get in. SIX.. That's like 4 swedish kronor. Silly cheap.

Well. I'm not starting today. That I know.

Arcade Fire - Here Comes the Night Time

Im gonna have to be a nerd for a while now.
THIS IS FUCKING GREAT!
Funny as shit and GREAT music.

Arcade Fire is doing it. Again. Always. Love it!

This town.

I was here the first time in february 2008. Since then my love for this town just grows and grows..

Great Saturday.

Pre party at the train. Then 12 hours out door party at the first real summer day! And yeah, as always, great company!

Just dance!

Some blurry pics from last night. Peter forcing me to dance. Just me and him in front of a LOT of people. Just like that. Haha, I love him for doing stuff like this to me and making me realize it's fine.

Important

Varje år flyr tusentals barn till Sverige från förföljelse, förtryck, krig, fattigdom, våld och övergrepp. Väl här får många av barnen fortsatt sina rättigheter kränkta. Barn på flykt måste få sina rättigheter tillgodosedda. Skriv under för att göra barnkonventionen till svensk lag på: unicef.se/flykt 

Every year thousands of children are fleeing to Sweden from persecution, oppression, war, poverty, violence and abuse. Once here, many of the children continued to get their rights violated. Kids on the run must have their rights respected. Log in to make the children rights convention to Swedish law on: unicef.se/flykt

Finally!

I've tried to make this happen for 6 months. Finally it's happening! As my birthday party! It's gonna be great. Peter will host and Gee will run the karaoke at the afterparty. I have some good friends here...

MATILDA!

Friday 11.40 am. That's when Matilda is landing at CT airport! YEY!