More tired then the most tired..

My brain is inside out today. I feel like I'm awake sleeping.

I miss writing blogposts with meanings. Not just about my days, what I do and so on. (even if I know you people back home in sweden and other parts of europe wanna get updated about what I'm doing here).
I actually miss writing about my feelings and mind fucks. I was so much more open before. Some people would find it strange that I wanna share stuff like that with so many people. But i don't mind. I've never been afraid of sharing my feelings. I think it's good if people know how I feel, what state of mind I'm in. Much easier to know how to approach me when meeting me next time.
BUT, I SUCK to talk about it. Writing is easy. The words are coming out of my head in the right way. Whenever I try to talk about stuff tho, I always end up crying or laughing or making a joke about it or just stop talking. Can't explain it, I often end up saying "I'm fine, whatever".
There isn't a lot of people (family, friends, boyfriends) that I've told "I love you". They are very few. Not because I do or didn't love them, only because I can't SAY some stuff out loud. They are stuck in my head. I'm a thinker. An analyzer. But I'm not a talker.
People that are close to me, and been for a while, they know this and they learned how to live with that and they've accepted me for it. I love them for that! Cause, yeah, people can change, but not in every ways. This is a part of me. People say I have to LEARN to talk about stuff. But do I ? It's 2013 and the world is full of ways to communicate. Isn't it more important TO communicate than HOW to communicate? Why is an email or sms or facebook message that bad? I think a phone call is the worst. You hear the voice but you don't see the face. You have no feeling of if the person is telling the truth or not. If you write, it's only your lack of writing that can make it sound wrong. So, if you're not a "writer" don't tell stuff that way, talk instead. And for me, that's not a talker, I write. If I talk, there is a big chance that it ends up angry or too upset. Because I can't find the words.
Ok, I'm not stupid. There are some "rules" for this, of course. I should never brake up with a boyfriend via sms and I shouldn't tell about someone passing away over an email. But you get me, what I'm trying to say, right? Why is YOUR way the right way? Maybe mine is as right as yours?

So, thanks to all my friends out there that got me, that know me, that let me be like this. I need it. And maybe I should start writing here again, more personally? So that you understand me better again!

And, yes, my english is not the best. But it is not my first language. Not even my second language. It's just a language I learned in school. And now I try to communicate with it. A "Well done" to myself!