10 februari 2014


Jealousy. Complicated subject. I will never be really calm around that subject. But I've made big steps in the right directions for sure. Thanks to a lot of things and a big reason is P and his reasonable thoughts and views of things. I need time to progress things. My brain wont let things go, even if I know what's right or wrong. My feelings are always in the way. I'm still scared about some things. Worried. Paranoid. But I know I shouldn't. I KNOW. But rationality has never been my strongest side. But, as I said, I'm learning. I'm getting better at it. Small steps.

I still say though, that jealousy comes from insecurity. Not from trusting or not.

When it comes to real life I'm cool. When it comes to social media etc, not so cool. For some pretty obvious reasons.

And. The truth; I have a very hot boyfriend that lots of girls probably want. Or, I know they do.
My head says; What if one of them is more fun, more smart and more of everything? Nothing to help then... That's how my head thinks sometimes. Silly silly thoughts. But they are still there so I have to deal with them.

And I am allowed to deal with them. For the first time ever. I love him for that.


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