2013

I think this year has been the most changing and nice year in my life so far. I think I never had a year when I was actually happy all year long. Yes, 3 months in Sweden away from Peter was hard, but also very needed and in the end I can see that it was only good for us. In so many ways. I also had a lot of stress at work, but never in a way that made me sad. Just frustrated. I really got to realise how much my family means to me and I had some moments with my closest friends that really changed my mind. I think this year was that year of relief. I feel relieved. I feel calm. I feel that I'm finally really myself. And I appreciate that and understand that I am good enough. And I'm so damn happy for all the friends that I have today!

I really think that it's true:
I came here to change Cape Town, but Cape Town changed me. 

I have some people back in Sweden that I want to come here. I know it would do good to them, in a lot of ways! This city is really a mind opener. Mostly because it's so ok to be who ever you are and no one is really judging, at all. I think a lot of people back home in Sweden could need to feel that for a while. 

African time.

Today African Time is stressing me OUT!!!! Gosh. How hard is it to plan, organise and stick with it? Seriously.

It's really nice to not have to stress all the time and that it's ok to be a little late and to be able to let people know last minute that you wont come to the party you are invited to (because I'm actually tired). It's nice to be able to over sleep but still have time to shower and eat breakfast. It's nice to just let things be for a day and you know you can fix it tomorrow.

BUT when it comes to work and professionalism it's really annoying and not helping any business at all! Why is it so hard to organise things here in time, and BEFORE things are about to happen? It's more stressing than to have a lot of planning to do... Because when you have planned it all, you can just let it go and do the next thing. You wont have 1000 things to do at the same time.

Well, I guess I have to get along with it or move back home. And we all know I don't want that ;)

I'll never let you go

I'm just a little sentimental. Nothing too bad. I just realise that I have something really good. That I really don't wanna lose. Ever.

Silly me

Ok. Enough. I will stop it now! It's been years. I should have learned by now!

Family.

I normally don't get home sick. It might sound bad. But it's just something about me, I like to be away from home. Even when I was a kid I loved to go away, sleep over at friends places or at my grandmothers place. Whenever there was soccer camps I was more than happy. Might sound like I wasn't happy at home. It wasn't about that. I just really love the feeling of "being on the road". Like this summer when I walked for days to protest about refugee politics in Sweden. We were like 30 people just walking and sleeping at different places every night. Hanging out, chilling and then you bring out your sleeping bag and sleep where ever there is space. It's a little bit like living in a bubble and escape from reality. No "musts" or real rules. It's freedom for me.

Today tho, I miss home. But it's actually more the people that I miss. I guess it has to do with that Matilda been here and she just left. Someone that really knows me was here. It's really relieving to be able to talk to someone and I just have to say three words and she knows exactly what I'm saying. Also this summer was so great in Sweden. I miss the light summer nights. To be able to walk alone in the middle of the night. To not feel like I have to look over my shoulder all the time.

Today I miss my family a lot. I spent a lot of time with them this summer. More than usually. Guess it's that thing called growing up and appreciate things in another way ;) I miss Othilia, she is getting bigger and bigger and it's a shame I miss out on that. I miss my father and my mother. You know, to just go there, hang out at their place, eat food. Just be myself and no need of talk. Just the feeling of being around people you love.

Last year my father came here for christmas. This year it wont be anyone here. I will trust my other family (all awesome friends here) to take care of me. I hope it wont feel way to bad.

But I think this is just for today. I normally don't get homesick. And it's summer here. Soon real winter in Sweden. So I feel okay. I'm good. Just missing some of the loved ones..

Not a good day.

Today is not a good day. Matilda left to go back to Sweden.
And....
... I feel fat and unhealthy.

Just a day like that. I will be ok tomorrow.

BUT I should really start to do something about myself. Talking about my health. My weight. My smoking. My bad living. Seriously. I eat and drink too much. Exercise way too little (like NOTHING) and smoke way too much. Problem is. I have nothing that motivates me. I like food. I like my Hunters Dry and I really don't enjoy to exercise. If it's not football. And I really love a cigaret to my wine ;) lol.

WHAT TO DO?

I have no idea. Start with the smoking part maybe? Should I give it a try? Should I? Do I want too? I only know that I SHOULD. Damn it.

Maybe I should start swimming. Summer is here. There is a pool in Observatory. Its 6 rand to get in. SIX.. That's like 4 swedish kronor. Silly cheap.

Well. I'm not starting today. That I know.

Arcade Fire - Here Comes the Night Time

Im gonna have to be a nerd for a while now.
THIS IS FUCKING GREAT!
Funny as shit and GREAT music.

Arcade Fire is doing it. Again. Always. Love it!

This town.

I was here the first time in february 2008. Since then my love for this town just grows and grows..

Great Saturday.

Pre party at the train. Then 12 hours out door party at the first real summer day! And yeah, as always, great company!

Just dance!

Some blurry pics from last night. Peter forcing me to dance. Just me and him in front of a LOT of people. Just like that. Haha, I love him for doing stuff like this to me and making me realize it's fine.

Important

Varje år flyr tusentals barn till Sverige från förföljelse, förtryck, krig, fattigdom, våld och övergrepp. Väl här får många av barnen fortsatt sina rättigheter kränkta. Barn på flykt måste få sina rättigheter tillgodosedda. Skriv under för att göra barnkonventionen till svensk lag på: unicef.se/flykt 

Every year thousands of children are fleeing to Sweden from persecution, oppression, war, poverty, violence and abuse. Once here, many of the children continued to get their rights violated. Kids on the run must have their rights respected. Log in to make the children rights convention to Swedish law on: unicef.se/flykt

Finally!

I've tried to make this happen for 6 months. Finally it's happening! As my birthday party! It's gonna be great. Peter will host and Gee will run the karaoke at the afterparty. I have some good friends here...

MATILDA!

Friday 11.40 am. That's when Matilda is landing at CT airport! YEY!

Some things

Just some things that are different here compared to Sweden:

* MILK. The milk tastes like cream here. Why? What do we do with our milk in Sweden? Here it's like drinking low fat cream. Uuuuuuuh, not nice.

* SUPERMARKETS. The space to put your groceries on is super small. The cashier will also help you pack your bags (sometimes it's an extra person that does that for you tho). The space after the cashier is even smaller so while the bags are getting packed the next person behind you can't really do anything else than wait. (I mean, if the space was bigger AND I packed my bags myself, the next person could just go on as soon as I payed) The lines are LONG. Also if there is something that they can't see a price on or something else is wrong, another person has to come and help with that, the cashier is not allowed. Lines are getting LONGER.

* CROSSING PLACES. So you press that button to get the green light so you can cross the street. Yes it's getting green. For about 5 seconds. You have to run and even if you run you might not get to the other side in time. I don't know how old people are supposed to do it. I just look at the lights for the cars and cross when they still have red lights.

* ELECTRICITY. You buy it. Like, you have a code for you electricity box. Say that code, pay and get another code that you have to type in when you are back home. It's easy to forget and then you are in a DARK house and have to run somewhere to buy it.. One good thing with that is that you don't over use and get a terrible bill in the end of the month.

* DRINK and DRIVE. Not everyone, but a LOT of people drink and drive. Might not be pissed drunk, but they still drive after a bottle of wine or 5 beers. I know it's the same in south of europe. But still, VERY different from Sweden.

* PRICES OF ALCOHOL. Also different everywhere outside Sweden/Norway. But still. So a glass of whine is R20 (15 kr) here. It is at least R50 in Sweden. Or more. A Shot is like R10-30! Crazy. And dangerous. But I don't complain :)

* PEOPLE. Wherever you go people say "hi" and with a "hi" it's more a "how are you?". If you sit in a train you can talk to the person next to you if you want to, even if you don't know the person. It's not like you have to, but you CAN without getting a look that says "leave me alone". You meet people everywhere that actually can become your friends very soon. It doesn't take weeks or months to get to know people. People open up and share and wanna hang out again and again and again. Most of all you don't have to fit in to a special group of people. If the people isn't Hipsters, of course. HAHA! No, but seriously. I know that there are people like this in Sweden too, but I find it much harder to meet them. I find it much harder to be weird and crazy without getting judged in Sweden. Jantelagen (google it you english speaking people) are still a big thing in Sweden even if we don't wanna admit it. We are supposed to not stick out, to not be too much and also to not be too less. LAGOM (google that too). But I think its changing a lot since Sweden becomes more and more multi cultural. That's nice! I do have hope ;)

Well that's enough for this time. Next time I will bring up more positive sides. This may sound a little complaining. It's not. It's just facts. Facts that I've learned to live with and also love at the same time as it drives me crazy sometimes (especially the supermarkets. It takes like 20 minutes to go in and buy one packet of butter)

October

Been here more than a month already. Also feels like years ago since I was in Sweden. Weird feelings. Story of my life! But a good story.

Matilda is coming here next week! I'm so excited. I really miss to have close friends to hang out with. People that really knows me. The hard thing here is to find friends that will stay long enough to really get close to. The cool people I meet here are almost always people that are here just for a while. And also, I know I'm a little weird and hard to understand so for me it's a little hard to find friends that really becomes close. I am picky since I know that people that don't get me will get tired of me. And I get disappointed. Also story of my life, being scared of being left. I'm working on it. I just try too hard sometimes to not let people too close so it wont suck if I loose them. I need to start trust people and trust that I'm good enough to keep as a friend! ALmost all my friends here are guys. And yeah, I prefer that. Much less drama and less complicated. But they might not get THAT close... It's more random hang outs.

Sad:
Karina left for Germany.
Gee is a very busy woman.
Hanna Fink went back to Germany

BUT:
Malin is coming back for at least 3 months
Elin is coming back for a long time
Matilda will spend a month with me
Dina is coming here over christmas

I have so much to say but nothing to write

I've lost it. The feeling of writing about stuff. I don't know why.

I actually respect my private life much more today than I did before. I don't feel like I need or should share it with too many people. Probably because my life is fucking great and I don't need to prove something. I KNOW it is great. And I don't care anymore if other people wouldn't think so.

With this said; I should take care of what I have, a little bit better. If I loose this life I will hate myself for a long time. I have so great people around me, it's almost silly. The best man I have ever met is my boyfriend, his friends are awesome, my co workers are also my little SA family, everyone in my life is great actually. I picked them with love and I know they all love me back.

I always felt weird, left outside, like I didn't fit in. Because in Sweden you need to fit in... that's the simple answer to why life s easier here; you can always be yourself, you don't have to fit in. That's such a nice thing.

So, I will see how this blog is gonna work out... I'm not sure. I don't even take a lot of pictures anymore and if I do I just put them up at instagram or facebook. And also, it is like 20 people that reads this blog... It's not very exciting. When I was a whining emo girl I had about 150 readers at least, some days. (I guess it's more fun to read about peoples problems and sadness than about a happy person that lives a fucking nice life)


Good night.

Never again

Apologise. Learn from your mistakes. Move on.

I will try this now.

So sorry.

----------------

Today it's SUMMER outside. Finally.

The thing..

The thing about having an AMAZING boyfriend is that a lot of other girls also think he is awesome. I don't like competition :)

Just one of those days

I hate days like this. I know as soon as I wake up that it's gonna be a day like this. I worry about everything, I feel like I'm gonna loose people. I feel like I scare people away. I feel like I'm trapped in myself and my thoughts. I feel like I don't deserve anything or anyone. It's like someone is telling me "yepp, you know these people gonna get tired of you, just prepare for it" .

And I just wanna be self-destructive and run away from everyone before THEY actually are leaving me.

And I can't talk about it to anyone because I just sound weird. And I scare them away even more.

At the same time I want people to know.

I'M WAY TOO WEIRD !

I know tomorrow is gonna be better tho.

Kärlek.

Ni två är just bilden av vad sydafrika borde vara (the two of you is what the picture of South Africa should be)

ååååh. vad söt du är då (oh, you are so sweet)

Inte så söt men glad när människor får uttrycka sin kärlek och leva sina liv utifrån sina tankar (not that sweet but it makes me happy when people can show their love and live their lives after their thoughts)