Needed a week to go low. I need that sometimes. I just need to totally break down and feel shit and think a lot to actually get back on track again. I have always worked like that. The difference now is that I know I have to get out of it. I can't stay there. I need to really go through it all in my head and make sure I know why I'm low at the moment. Before I could stay in that place for months. Depressions. I'm pretty sure I had depressions, especially in winter time in Sweden. I could not see it then. But I'm pretty sure now. My way of thinking was not healthy and I thought I was exactly how I was supposed to be, but I was way too low and sad and emotional unstable.
I also know I have to find a better way to handle stress. I'm working on it. I never had a job before that stressed me as much as my job i SA does. I love the job, I do. But it stresses the hell out of me sometimes. I'm not used to work in such an unorganised environment. I'm not used to NOT know what I am supposed to do, and to make up my own plan. I am not used to a 9-5 job! It actually stresses me out much more than to have unregular work hours. In Sweden I've always worked days/evening/nights/weekends in a mix. I'm used to have some days off in the middle of the week, or to work in the weekend or start late in the afternoon. I've worked like that since I was 19. So it's a big change for me to wake up every day at 8 and always "only" have Saturday and Sunday off.
I have a feeling that it's gonna be great from now. I can see it in front of me. I have new ideas, new thoughts and am feeling positive. I am the only onw that can really change my own life. That's how it is. Had a long skype talk with Peter last night and I got it all out. I must say, it's still very hard for me to express myself in english, when it comes to things like this. I have it all in my head in swedish and then I have to translate it in english and when I'm done I don't even remember half of what I wanted to say. Very frustrating!
15 juli 2014
14 juli 2014
The life I've chosen.
People in Sweden and South Africa often ask me "How do you do it? Don't you miss family and friends? How do you and Peter handle long distance? Are you staying in SA forever?"
For over 6 years I've known South Africa suits me. I have tried to find a way of living there. Since 2 years the dream really started to come through and this week I got my work permit. Finally. It's for real now.
I'm not good with winter. Coldness and darkness always made me depressed. I didn't see it when I was in it. But when I look back at it, it's so obvious.
But. Just because I chose this and just because it's a dream coming through it doesn't mean it's easy all the time. It's actually a every day struggle at the same time. All the questions I get make sense.
This summer I really feel it. I feel confused and lost. I feel stressed and scared. I felt for the first time "is this the right choice?" I got the work permit which means I'm "stuck" at that job. Can't change my mind. I also freak out a bit I guess because I realise how much Peter means to me. I do never wanna lose him. That is scary shit.
I do not feel "home" in Sweden as I do in Cape Town. But I do miss having family and close friends around. And work wise ... I need to make sure that my job in SA is becoming more developing for me, personally. I miss to work closer to children and to change people's life. I had way too much office hours in 2013/2014.
I guess it's impossible for anyone to understand that never tried this life, how it feels like. And I don't expect you to understand. But I do expect my friends to understand that I'm human and I do have bad days even if I'm very very happy about the life I've got. It does not help with "come on. Stop complaining. You got what you want. Chill. Be happy". That is very disrespectful. Right now I have lots on my head and it's stressing me out. But I will be fine!
7 juli 2014
Croatia
I've been VERY bad at updating.
I know. I'm in Croatia at the moment.
Back in Sweden on friday. I will try to write some more soon!
I know. I'm in Croatia at the moment.
Back in Sweden on friday. I will try to write some more soon!
6 juni 2014
SOOoooooooooN!
Im leaving next week thursday. I have to say I am not too sad to leave this weather. Yesterday it was about 8 degrees, rain, hail, stormy weather. The worst part is that it's so fu**ing cold inside too. I am used to cold. I am from Sweden. Facts. It is cold in Sweden most of the year. But it's always warm inside. I never have to be cold inside. Here, in winter, it's cold both outside and indoor. No central heating. Cold floors. Doors and windows that are not sealed. I can sometimes feel a breeze in my room.. Brrrrrrr.
Last year I was really nervous about leaving 3 months. It felt so long. And I was scared that it would be weird for me and Peter also. We had just been dating for 6 months. This time it all feels much better. First of all, it's only 2 months. And I feel more comfortable with everything. Me, Peter, work. And I'm also REALLY looking forward to meet all the people in Sweden. Friends, family, people at work etc. And Croatia... oh... Croatia. I think that is my favourite place in the world. Not to LIVE in, but really my favourite place to visit. More relaxing place is hard to find.
So. Last days here.. I'm expecting a lot of friends, party and happiness.
Last year I was really nervous about leaving 3 months. It felt so long. And I was scared that it would be weird for me and Peter also. We had just been dating for 6 months. This time it all feels much better. First of all, it's only 2 months. And I feel more comfortable with everything. Me, Peter, work. And I'm also REALLY looking forward to meet all the people in Sweden. Friends, family, people at work etc. And Croatia... oh... Croatia. I think that is my favourite place in the world. Not to LIVE in, but really my favourite place to visit. More relaxing place is hard to find.
So. Last days here.. I'm expecting a lot of friends, party and happiness.
29 maj 2014
Why I think we need the word feminism
A lot of men (and some women) are saying "why can't we just use the word equality or humanism? Feminism has become such a negative word since a lot of women use it as a ALL men are bad. ALL women are victims?"
This is an example why I don't think equality or humanism is enough:
Earlier this year a woman got sentenced for slapping a man in his face. Nothing wrong with that, you think. The things is, before she turned around and slapped him, he pinched her butt. This man was a stranger, he saw the woman in the bar and thought it would be a "fun" way of flirting with her. The woman got chocked and angry, turned around and slapped the man in his face.
The man went to the police and reported her for assault. There was a trial. The woman told her story. Why he slapped him. Self defence, you could call it, right?
The judge thought that a pinch isn't that bad as a slap. The woman got sentenced for this. The man? Nothing!
So. Let's use the words humanism and feminism here. And let me explain why I think humanism is not enough.
Humanism and equality would only see that both of them did wrong. And that is the case, I say too. Both of them were wrong. Even if you got pinched, you should not slap. You should go to the police and report the man for sexual harassment. Now, since she slap him, both of them should be sentenced maybe?
Since the man got NOTHING on this I wanna use feminism here. Because... It's ok in this world to pinch someones but. It's ok to take advantaged of the woman's body. This is what's wrong. The law is not enough, because the judge did not think a pinch was "that bad, he just wanted to flirt with you". We need the word feminism to see the deeper problem in this case. Humanism would not do that. It would only follow the law, that both of them did something against the law.
Sexism is not clear enough in the law system.
And no. I do not think women in general would do the same to a stranger in the bar. hardly no woman. I am pretty sure much more men would just laugh about it and think it's "not that bad, it's just for fun". Because objectifying women's bodies is and has always been ok. Not for everyone. but for too many people. The same with strip clubs and porn. Same thought. "It's not that bad, some of them even like it"
Another example:
In the 60s/70s people in USA were fighting for equal right for black people. It was ok to say it was for black people. No one talked about "people" or "humanism".. At least they talked about it all as one case. It was ok to say there was a group of people that had less rights then others. Blacks had less rights than white.
During apartheid people did not JUST talk about humanism and equality. They actually talked about black and coloured people and their rights in a country ruled by whites.
Why can not 50% of the world be a group seen as a group that actually has less rights than the other 50% That is the truth. And MAYBE not in your country or around your friends or in your village. BUT we need to see the bigger picture. We need to see it as a world wide problem and stand together in the fight for women's rights.
Sexism IS big, and it IS bigger against women then men. And no, we wont stop to fight for men's rights just because we talk about women a lot. BUT, can't we women just be allowed to get a little extra attention since the problems are much bigger around us? In some countries some women get stoned to death because they did something a woman should not do. And yes, it has a little to do with religion, but mostly it's culture and the bad way of seeing women. Not ALL muslims would stone a woman to death, right? One thing is for sure. NO man at all would be stoned to death for the same crime as the women..
This is why we need feminism. We need to see the problem as a problem against women. Because it does exist! And we will continue work for men's problem ALSO. One thing does not exclude the other! During apartheid, did they just STOP talking about all other problems? Would they not call the police if a white man was shot? Yes they would. They would work on both sides. BUT the problem against black and coloured was a LITTLE bit bigger at the moment..
No real feminist thinks ALL men are rapists. Thats bullshit. If anyone says that, just do not listen! Do not let the crazy people take over the word that we need. That's the same thought as some people has in Sweden. Just let the racist go on, ignore them, they talk bullshit. Let them think that we can not take more immigrants, let them say we can not allow mosques in our country, because all muslims are bad people. NO, we have to stand up against it and keep on fighting. Not give up and let them be right.
But we need you men on our side in this, to make more people see what feminism is about. (sadly we need that help, yes, to open up some peoples eyes). What we do not need is men, that are actually great people, to turn the back and say "feminists are crazy, they have been taking it too far". That will never help. At all.
So. There you go. If you do not agree, please tell me why, I am always open for a discussion.
This is an example why I don't think equality or humanism is enough:
Earlier this year a woman got sentenced for slapping a man in his face. Nothing wrong with that, you think. The things is, before she turned around and slapped him, he pinched her butt. This man was a stranger, he saw the woman in the bar and thought it would be a "fun" way of flirting with her. The woman got chocked and angry, turned around and slapped the man in his face.
The man went to the police and reported her for assault. There was a trial. The woman told her story. Why he slapped him. Self defence, you could call it, right?
The judge thought that a pinch isn't that bad as a slap. The woman got sentenced for this. The man? Nothing!
So. Let's use the words humanism and feminism here. And let me explain why I think humanism is not enough.
Humanism and equality would only see that both of them did wrong. And that is the case, I say too. Both of them were wrong. Even if you got pinched, you should not slap. You should go to the police and report the man for sexual harassment. Now, since she slap him, both of them should be sentenced maybe?
Since the man got NOTHING on this I wanna use feminism here. Because... It's ok in this world to pinch someones but. It's ok to take advantaged of the woman's body. This is what's wrong. The law is not enough, because the judge did not think a pinch was "that bad, he just wanted to flirt with you". We need the word feminism to see the deeper problem in this case. Humanism would not do that. It would only follow the law, that both of them did something against the law.
Sexism is not clear enough in the law system.
And no. I do not think women in general would do the same to a stranger in the bar. hardly no woman. I am pretty sure much more men would just laugh about it and think it's "not that bad, it's just for fun". Because objectifying women's bodies is and has always been ok. Not for everyone. but for too many people. The same with strip clubs and porn. Same thought. "It's not that bad, some of them even like it"
Another example:
In the 60s/70s people in USA were fighting for equal right for black people. It was ok to say it was for black people. No one talked about "people" or "humanism".. At least they talked about it all as one case. It was ok to say there was a group of people that had less rights then others. Blacks had less rights than white.
During apartheid people did not JUST talk about humanism and equality. They actually talked about black and coloured people and their rights in a country ruled by whites.
Why can not 50% of the world be a group seen as a group that actually has less rights than the other 50% That is the truth. And MAYBE not in your country or around your friends or in your village. BUT we need to see the bigger picture. We need to see it as a world wide problem and stand together in the fight for women's rights.
Sexism IS big, and it IS bigger against women then men. And no, we wont stop to fight for men's rights just because we talk about women a lot. BUT, can't we women just be allowed to get a little extra attention since the problems are much bigger around us? In some countries some women get stoned to death because they did something a woman should not do. And yes, it has a little to do with religion, but mostly it's culture and the bad way of seeing women. Not ALL muslims would stone a woman to death, right? One thing is for sure. NO man at all would be stoned to death for the same crime as the women..
This is why we need feminism. We need to see the problem as a problem against women. Because it does exist! And we will continue work for men's problem ALSO. One thing does not exclude the other! During apartheid, did they just STOP talking about all other problems? Would they not call the police if a white man was shot? Yes they would. They would work on both sides. BUT the problem against black and coloured was a LITTLE bit bigger at the moment..
No real feminist thinks ALL men are rapists. Thats bullshit. If anyone says that, just do not listen! Do not let the crazy people take over the word that we need. That's the same thought as some people has in Sweden. Just let the racist go on, ignore them, they talk bullshit. Let them think that we can not take more immigrants, let them say we can not allow mosques in our country, because all muslims are bad people. NO, we have to stand up against it and keep on fighting. Not give up and let them be right.
But we need you men on our side in this, to make more people see what feminism is about. (sadly we need that help, yes, to open up some peoples eyes). What we do not need is men, that are actually great people, to turn the back and say "feminists are crazy, they have been taking it too far". That will never help. At all.
So. There you go. If you do not agree, please tell me why, I am always open for a discussion.
28 maj 2014
23 maj 2014
Respect
I had so much in my head last night that I wanted to write about. But I was too tired. Now most of it is gone. This is my problem, this is why I sometimes bomb people with text messages when I feel something, when I wanna say something, because I forget. I want it to be told so I just HAVE to do it at the moment it comes to my mind.
The basic is. I have so much respect for a lot of my closest friends here. And Peter is one of them. I respect his thoughts, his view of life, his way of respecting himself and his principles. He is probably the most open minded guy I have ever met. And with me, I think I'm also very open minded and have a big passion for politics, feminism, refugee rights, being against child abuse etc, you kind of have to be that person to handle to have me around. Haha, I don't know how many times I been on "fire" because of talking about feminism, hitting children, refugees rights and much other things. To able to actually talk about these things and be respected for it... It means a lot. I respect people that respect me. Might sound easy but seriously, I met a lot of people that couldn't handle me being like this. You know, a girlfriend "should" be nice, quiet, sweet, understanding, caring and loving. Not questioning, annoying, loud etc... :)
I also respect him for wanting to learn new things. To change without changing who you are is a very important thing if you wanna be in a relationship at all. I learned a lot the last 10 years. About me and my behaviours. I learned to respect myself but also to respect that everyone is not like me. To compromise is very important to keep people in your life, I learned. I am still learning though, and Peter has changed me a lot. I learned to trust so much more. I learned to breathe, to not freak out about everything and to TALK about things. Talk talk talk talk. It sounds so simple, but it isn't always that easy. Especially when I have to do it in another language than my own language. Thanks to text messages I say, it works out better. I can write it down, slow and think about it, instead of trying to find words and phrases in the moment I am upset. Peter also learned me to be patience. To give it time to think about it and let things sink in first, before I react too much. Rationality is a bigger part of my emotional life now than ever before.
I blame the south european temper I have in my blood for my irrationality, haha!
I also know I taught Peter a lot when it comes to a lot of things. But that's not my thing to tell you about.
OK, I'm not sure what I wanted with this blog post. But there you go.
The basic is. I have so much respect for a lot of my closest friends here. And Peter is one of them. I respect his thoughts, his view of life, his way of respecting himself and his principles. He is probably the most open minded guy I have ever met. And with me, I think I'm also very open minded and have a big passion for politics, feminism, refugee rights, being against child abuse etc, you kind of have to be that person to handle to have me around. Haha, I don't know how many times I been on "fire" because of talking about feminism, hitting children, refugees rights and much other things. To able to actually talk about these things and be respected for it... It means a lot. I respect people that respect me. Might sound easy but seriously, I met a lot of people that couldn't handle me being like this. You know, a girlfriend "should" be nice, quiet, sweet, understanding, caring and loving. Not questioning, annoying, loud etc... :)
I also respect him for wanting to learn new things. To change without changing who you are is a very important thing if you wanna be in a relationship at all. I learned a lot the last 10 years. About me and my behaviours. I learned to respect myself but also to respect that everyone is not like me. To compromise is very important to keep people in your life, I learned. I am still learning though, and Peter has changed me a lot. I learned to trust so much more. I learned to breathe, to not freak out about everything and to TALK about things. Talk talk talk talk. It sounds so simple, but it isn't always that easy. Especially when I have to do it in another language than my own language. Thanks to text messages I say, it works out better. I can write it down, slow and think about it, instead of trying to find words and phrases in the moment I am upset. Peter also learned me to be patience. To give it time to think about it and let things sink in first, before I react too much. Rationality is a bigger part of my emotional life now than ever before.
I blame the south european temper I have in my blood for my irrationality, haha!
I also know I taught Peter a lot when it comes to a lot of things. But that's not my thing to tell you about.
OK, I'm not sure what I wanted with this blog post. But there you go.
22 maj 2014
We will see..
I have an idea in my head. Something I wanna write about. I wanna write about how my love for P is based on so much respect and it has been from the beginning. I have the words in my head, in swedish. I just have to try to write it down in english. We will see..
If not. You can always ask me when you see me next time and I will try to explain.
I simply just respect so much about him.
And I know you know that I have been a little sad because of me and P the last weeks. BUT every relationship has its ups and downs. I just chose to write about it in public sometimes, when most people would not. I never been scared about letting other people know I'm sad. I just always been bad at telling. So writing it down here or on facebook or wherever does actually help me in the progress of trying to sort things out. And it may sound more dramatic than it is. It's up to you to read it however you want to, but if you actually did care, you would have asked me how I am a long time ago anyway...
Yeah, I will definitely write something tomorrow again. About a lot of things. Got many ideas now..
Good night.
If not. You can always ask me when you see me next time and I will try to explain.
I simply just respect so much about him.
And I know you know that I have been a little sad because of me and P the last weeks. BUT every relationship has its ups and downs. I just chose to write about it in public sometimes, when most people would not. I never been scared about letting other people know I'm sad. I just always been bad at telling. So writing it down here or on facebook or wherever does actually help me in the progress of trying to sort things out. And it may sound more dramatic than it is. It's up to you to read it however you want to, but if you actually did care, you would have asked me how I am a long time ago anyway...
Yeah, I will definitely write something tomorrow again. About a lot of things. Got many ideas now..
Good night.
The feminist is awake
I get so tired of the discussion about strip clubs. "Some girls actually WANT to strip, they think it's fun. Everyone is not a drug addict or poor and MUST strip. For some it's a choice "
It is NOT the problem dear little manly man. The problem is that we live in a world where women are supposed to entertain men, preferably as undressed as possible. The problem is that there even ARE strip clubs. If someone likes to undress in front of strangers, that person may do so at their free time. It should NOT be a profession. The majority of those who work at a strip club doing it because they have no other choice at the moment. Because it gives money. How many men would do the same to put food on the table? Probably not many. There you have the problem. Society has decided that it's a little more ok to do some uncomfortable things for money, if you are a woman. I wanna vomit on so many men around me that still, 2014, can not see that this is wrong.
Do not go to strip clubs. Do not support anything like that. You might as well buy sex from a prostitute in this case, with the "I just want to be nice so she can earn money and eat food for the day". You know what? If that's WHY you go to a strip club you may as well just wait until they finished their shift and then just give the girl some money?
And no. It's not a big difference between prostitution and strip clubs.
Why is it so hard to understand this?
It is NOT the problem dear little manly man. The problem is that we live in a world where women are supposed to entertain men, preferably as undressed as possible. The problem is that there even ARE strip clubs. If someone likes to undress in front of strangers, that person may do so at their free time. It should NOT be a profession. The majority of those who work at a strip club doing it because they have no other choice at the moment. Because it gives money. How many men would do the same to put food on the table? Probably not many. There you have the problem. Society has decided that it's a little more ok to do some uncomfortable things for money, if you are a woman. I wanna vomit on so many men around me that still, 2014, can not see that this is wrong.
Do not go to strip clubs. Do not support anything like that. You might as well buy sex from a prostitute in this case, with the "I just want to be nice so she can earn money and eat food for the day". You know what? If that's WHY you go to a strip club you may as well just wait until they finished their shift and then just give the girl some money?
And no. It's not a big difference between prostitution and strip clubs.
Why is it so hard to understand this?
15 maj 2014
It's not fucking fare
I'm tired of it actually, and that's not a good thing.
I start to think. REALLY!?
Ok, the thing is, life is good, I'm happy in a lot of ways, and a part of this is good for me. I start to realise what I've been missing out on. And THAT I'm gonna change now. Bring back old friends in my life, and not gonna take people for granted.
But. The BUT is; I can do both parts. And that's what I wanna scream out.. PEOPLE can change. In a good way. Start to fucking believe in people, and maybe in yourself too!?
BAH!
Tomorrow is gonna be a better day!
I start to think. REALLY!?
Ok, the thing is, life is good, I'm happy in a lot of ways, and a part of this is good for me. I start to realise what I've been missing out on. And THAT I'm gonna change now. Bring back old friends in my life, and not gonna take people for granted.
But. The BUT is; I can do both parts. And that's what I wanna scream out.. PEOPLE can change. In a good way. Start to fucking believe in people, and maybe in yourself too!?
BAH!
Tomorrow is gonna be a better day!
10 maj 2014
Needed
I have not used my blog for writing about me and my feelings in a long time. It has not been needed. Because, I only need to write when something is wrong. And my life has been good, happy and giving for a long time. But, there will always come hard times, every now and then. Now is one of them. Hard times. Complicated times. Worried times.
I still don't wanna write too much. My integrity has grown more important to me. And the integrity of my closest too.
This thing called relationship. It's not easy. Everyone knows that. It isn't. There isn't a thing called "if you are right for each other then there should not be any problems"
How come, that if you have a friend it's ok to be angry, irritated and annoyed with her/him. But if it's your boyfriend you freak out as soon as that happens. Then you have to step out, push away and break up. Why is that not fixable as easy as a friendship?
I believe in progress. Small steps. Learning from each other. Get to know weaknesses and strong sides of each other. And, sometimes you take steps back again, but you will fall and stand up again and try fix things. Together. If you love someone, you do not give up. Maybe, if you wanna give up, you don't love him/her anymore? If it's not worth some sacrifices, yeah, well, then I do not believe it's love.
Or, maybe people are scared, just scared as hell to take that next step, and they get blind, and leave people behind that they should not. That they will regret leaving behind? Just because they were scared.
I say; Scary shit!
To figure this out, TALK. Always talk to each other. Do not close the other person out. Anything you need to say, say it. Then discuss. Listen. Talk again. Things are very rarely solved after ONE of these talks. It takes time, progress, small steps. Learning from each other.
I still don't wanna write too much. My integrity has grown more important to me. And the integrity of my closest too.
This thing called relationship. It's not easy. Everyone knows that. It isn't. There isn't a thing called "if you are right for each other then there should not be any problems"
How come, that if you have a friend it's ok to be angry, irritated and annoyed with her/him. But if it's your boyfriend you freak out as soon as that happens. Then you have to step out, push away and break up. Why is that not fixable as easy as a friendship?
I believe in progress. Small steps. Learning from each other. Get to know weaknesses and strong sides of each other. And, sometimes you take steps back again, but you will fall and stand up again and try fix things. Together. If you love someone, you do not give up. Maybe, if you wanna give up, you don't love him/her anymore? If it's not worth some sacrifices, yeah, well, then I do not believe it's love.
Or, maybe people are scared, just scared as hell to take that next step, and they get blind, and leave people behind that they should not. That they will regret leaving behind? Just because they were scared.
I say; Scary shit!
To figure this out, TALK. Always talk to each other. Do not close the other person out. Anything you need to say, say it. Then discuss. Listen. Talk again. Things are very rarely solved after ONE of these talks. It takes time, progress, small steps. Learning from each other.
16 april 2014
1,5 year.
Time flies! It's been 1,5 year now since I met Peter the first time. When I think about it, when I think about the relationships I had before him, I get amazed about how we made this. How me went through stuff without too much drama. My whole life been too much drama. And yes, most of the time I started drama, because of my lack of trust and my insecurity. Also, I dated a lot of assholes, or people that were not ready to commit at all. A lot of feelings has been hurt on the way. But I am stronger now. I am more calm. I really love my life and I think that is the answer. I feel like I am where I should be. I love myself much more now. That is the key to a lot of things.
Anyway. 2 more months in Cape Town, then off to Sweden for 2 months. I am really looking forward to it. I'm gonna take walks in the middle of the night, eat home made swedish food, drink NICE milk, see all the amazing people, have a beer in the park, swim in the lakes, drive on the right side, longboard, drink good coffee, swim in my sisters pool, play with my niece and lots of other great things. In august we will have some amazing reunion days in Stockholm. Me, Peter, Mumz, Malin, Elin, Anna, Felicia, Karina, Rebecca, Berber. Hopefully everyone can come!
For now it's a lot of work. Mostly preparations for next semester. I have a LOT of students coming for Internships. It's really cool how the word of mouth works. We don't spend a lot of money for advertising at all. It's all facebook or word of mouth. Amazing. We starting to get a really good rumour in Sweden. We are growing!
Some pics from Sweden last year.
Anyway. 2 more months in Cape Town, then off to Sweden for 2 months. I am really looking forward to it. I'm gonna take walks in the middle of the night, eat home made swedish food, drink NICE milk, see all the amazing people, have a beer in the park, swim in the lakes, drive on the right side, longboard, drink good coffee, swim in my sisters pool, play with my niece and lots of other great things. In august we will have some amazing reunion days in Stockholm. Me, Peter, Mumz, Malin, Elin, Anna, Felicia, Karina, Rebecca, Berber. Hopefully everyone can come!
For now it's a lot of work. Mostly preparations for next semester. I have a LOT of students coming for Internships. It's really cool how the word of mouth works. We don't spend a lot of money for advertising at all. It's all facebook or word of mouth. Amazing. We starting to get a really good rumour in Sweden. We are growing!
Some pics from Sweden last year.
 |
| My Longboard Homie Diana |
 |
| My brother Peter and my uncle Magnus |
 |
| At my sisters house with my sisters and husband, my mother and my nieces |
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| My Niece Othilia |
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| Swedish kebab Pizza |
15 april 2014
six years later and still alive
This weekend it's eastern weekend.
This weekend six years ago I got robbed in Athlone, with a gun. You might think that is the scariest thing that happened to me in this country. But no.
Let me tell you about the craziest thing that ever happened to me here:
It was a saturday in february 2008. I was with Irina, another Swedish girl. We were both volunteering at a home of safety for boys between 8-18 years old. This saturday we were gonna take some of the boys to a football game at Athlone Stadium. Ajax Cape Town was playing Kaizer Chiefs. Top game of the year! It was sold out. We had our tickets though. We were standing outside the stadium and I started to hand out the tickets to the boys. One man cam up to me and asked if we had extra tickets. We had, because some of the boys couldn't come, so I said "Yes we have 2 extra tickets". I shouldn't have said those words.
Suddenly there was about 5 men asking me, insisting on getting those tickets. Just seconds later there was at least 50 people around me, shouting at me, asking me for the tickets. I started to feel threatened. Irina took the boys and stepped back a bit. I started to walk away slowly. Everyone followed me, still shouting "give us the tickets, we want tickets, we know you have tickets".
I started to walk faster. I was almost running. So, I ended up at a fence. Trapped. I sat down. All the men (at least 50-70 according do Irina that saw everything) was in my face, shouting. They were actually not touching me, just shouting. I just remember I was thinking "NO, these kids have never ever been to a football game in their lives, I am not gonna give the tickets away to these stupid men". I remember myself starting crawling out of the group of people, between their legs, I got out and ran over the street, scared as hell, didn't even look for cars, I just ran.
I ran into a restaurant, I think it was a Nandos or something. I threw the tickets to the staff and just said "hide these for me please". The second after all the men were in the restaurant, in my face again. Shouting. Going f*cking crazy! At this moment I was so angry, upset, scared and frustrated. I took my bag, took out my camera, phone, wallet and told people "here, take whatever you feel like taking, but I do NOT have tickets anymore, they are gone and the children wont see their first football game, thanks to you idiots". Eben, one of the smallest guys (about 8 years old) came to me, between all these angry men, hugged me and asked if I was ok.
NOW, finally, the police came. The crazy men left and it was all ok. Kind of. We went outside, I explained to the police what happened and the police man asked me "so where are the tickets?" ... They were still in the restaurant. The police man went to get them. Of course there were like 5 missing. The staff in the restaurant probably thought they should have something for helping me out... Who knows. Anyway. The whole thing ended with the police driving us inside the stadium in his police car. The kids loved it. The women working at the boys home, not so impressed by the swedish volunteers....
WHAT A CULTURE CHOCK, haha!
The story about me getting robbed with a gun, the guys taking my phone, manage to film themselves with the phone and send the video to my friend and then I had to go with the Police to Cape Flats late at night to his sister because she was the only one with internet, to see the video my friend send me of the robbers.. that's another story. Maybe for another time.
This weekend six years ago I got robbed in Athlone, with a gun. You might think that is the scariest thing that happened to me in this country. But no.
Let me tell you about the craziest thing that ever happened to me here:
It was a saturday in february 2008. I was with Irina, another Swedish girl. We were both volunteering at a home of safety for boys between 8-18 years old. This saturday we were gonna take some of the boys to a football game at Athlone Stadium. Ajax Cape Town was playing Kaizer Chiefs. Top game of the year! It was sold out. We had our tickets though. We were standing outside the stadium and I started to hand out the tickets to the boys. One man cam up to me and asked if we had extra tickets. We had, because some of the boys couldn't come, so I said "Yes we have 2 extra tickets". I shouldn't have said those words.
Suddenly there was about 5 men asking me, insisting on getting those tickets. Just seconds later there was at least 50 people around me, shouting at me, asking me for the tickets. I started to feel threatened. Irina took the boys and stepped back a bit. I started to walk away slowly. Everyone followed me, still shouting "give us the tickets, we want tickets, we know you have tickets".
I started to walk faster. I was almost running. So, I ended up at a fence. Trapped. I sat down. All the men (at least 50-70 according do Irina that saw everything) was in my face, shouting. They were actually not touching me, just shouting. I just remember I was thinking "NO, these kids have never ever been to a football game in their lives, I am not gonna give the tickets away to these stupid men". I remember myself starting crawling out of the group of people, between their legs, I got out and ran over the street, scared as hell, didn't even look for cars, I just ran.
I ran into a restaurant, I think it was a Nandos or something. I threw the tickets to the staff and just said "hide these for me please". The second after all the men were in the restaurant, in my face again. Shouting. Going f*cking crazy! At this moment I was so angry, upset, scared and frustrated. I took my bag, took out my camera, phone, wallet and told people "here, take whatever you feel like taking, but I do NOT have tickets anymore, they are gone and the children wont see their first football game, thanks to you idiots". Eben, one of the smallest guys (about 8 years old) came to me, between all these angry men, hugged me and asked if I was ok.
NOW, finally, the police came. The crazy men left and it was all ok. Kind of. We went outside, I explained to the police what happened and the police man asked me "so where are the tickets?" ... They were still in the restaurant. The police man went to get them. Of course there were like 5 missing. The staff in the restaurant probably thought they should have something for helping me out... Who knows. Anyway. The whole thing ended with the police driving us inside the stadium in his police car. The kids loved it. The women working at the boys home, not so impressed by the swedish volunteers....
WHAT A CULTURE CHOCK, haha!
The story about me getting robbed with a gun, the guys taking my phone, manage to film themselves with the phone and send the video to my friend and then I had to go with the Police to Cape Flats late at night to his sister because she was the only one with internet, to see the video my friend send me of the robbers.. that's another story. Maybe for another time.
3 april 2014
Life is damn great!
So. I just found out my first day in Sweden will start with an Arcade Fire concert. And 2 days later I will go to a concert with my Swedish favourite band Kent.
In may I will probably go to Zambia for work. Finally I will see other parts of Africa.
In july I go to Croatia. In august Peter will come and visit me in Sweden and we fly back here together!
Pure happiness.
In may I will probably go to Zambia for work. Finally I will see other parts of Africa.
In july I go to Croatia. In august Peter will come and visit me in Sweden and we fly back here together!
Pure happiness.
19 mars 2014
Some pics from the last 2 weeks
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| Håkan, Malin and Petra. Håkan is from Stockholm, we ran into him at Neighbourhood, now he's a part of "us" and have begun to volunteer at the shelter in Salt River with Malin. |
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| Wine time way too early on a saturday. |
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| Malin and I went to Kaospiloternas presentation. |
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| Matilda is back in town!!!! |
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| Guys don't dance? Well, in South Africa they do! |
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| I wanna live in this area... (tamboerskloof) |
17 mars 2014
Kent. The new song is great. Clever lyrics, as always.
Some kind of translation:
I am the hand that is holding the flag
I am the pocket thief on the Central station
I am the bomb at the terminals in the bag left behind
I am the first cold rains
I am the cold place where nothing grows
I am six months of darkness in the country that God forgot
I am tear gas in the purse
I am in the Rave Commission
The xenophobic policy
I am suicide statistics
I am rural areas Rohypnol
I am jealousy, alcohol
I am SMS-loans
I am the gear at the School yard.
All for all and one for one
All for all and one for one
All for all and one for one
So we start over again
I am mist in the memorial garden
the wind on the bridge over the strait
I am the suspicious neighbor
damn Finns, Norwegians , Danes
I am the knife in the inside pocket
I am all the weapons we have exported
I am the soldiers at the villages
I am the mines
I do not vote anymore in election
I am Melodifestivalen
I am the going into the wall
I am those who are going through the box
I live in the largest city
I donate money to Save the Children
And my computer is full of pictures
which should never have been taken
All for all and one for one
All for all and one for one
All for all and one for one
So we start over again
I am the hand that rocks the cradle
I am the state & the capital
I am a safety manual
anonymous comments
I am the online bullying
I am the Big Mac you eat
I'm mosques and cathedrals
I am the Bible and Quran
All for all and one for one
All for all and one for one
All for all and one for one
So we start over again
28 februari 2014
Temple Wines and Stand Up. Just normal things in my CT life.
Last weekend was great!
Me and Peter went to Temple Wines in Paarl for a night. Temple Wines is owned by a swedish couple and it is a really really great and relaxing spot with perfect service!
After that chillin we went straight to some Stand up and crazyness/mess in Observatory, at Armchair Theatre. That's a sunday tradition now!
Me and Peter went to Temple Wines in Paarl for a night. Temple Wines is owned by a swedish couple and it is a really really great and relaxing spot with perfect service!
After that chillin we went straight to some Stand up and crazyness/mess in Observatory, at Armchair Theatre. That's a sunday tradition now!
19 februari 2014
R.I.P Micke Carlsson
It's not like you were a very close friend of mine. But I known you since I was a kid. You were in the same school as my brother. I played handball with you sister. I played in your house with her when I was about 11 years old. Later we lived in the same small town, had a lot of friends in common and in 2010 we went to Roskilde Festival together in my fathers old school caravan. You were one of these people I would always stop and talk to, you would always ask "how's your brother?" and you would always have a smile on your face! So many people liked you a lot. I can imagine that the atmosphere in Mjölby right now is very weird. Everyone knew you, more or less, somehow.
It's so very sad when someone pass away this young. I can't imagine how it feels for your family and close friends. I never lost anyone young and close. Only old people that you kind of expect they don't have too much time left. This is something different. So unpredictable! Sad.
Vila i frid.
18 februari 2014
Another week.
I have a very busy week. Working 9-19 every day. Lot's to do. Mostly fun things though.
Hanging at the orphanage twice a week while Catherine is running her art project. Having meetings for Home Stay plans for volunteers. Counselling the volunteers, making sure they are happy at their projects! Also, a a lot of writing at the office. Not as fun as the other things. But it has to be done.
On Saturday I'm going with this weirdo to a B&B in Paarl and I will just CHILL my ass off.
Wine, pool, sun, food. Can't wait.
Hanging at the orphanage twice a week while Catherine is running her art project. Having meetings for Home Stay plans for volunteers. Counselling the volunteers, making sure they are happy at their projects! Also, a a lot of writing at the office. Not as fun as the other things. But it has to be done.
On Saturday I'm going with this weirdo to a B&B in Paarl and I will just CHILL my ass off.
Wine, pool, sun, food. Can't wait.
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| My Hot Mess. |
12 februari 2014
Sum it up!
So. I've been here for 6 years now. On and off. Probably spent around 2,5 year here all together. I know some people wonder how, when, where, why.
here is a short summary:
2008:
I came here in february for a 2 months internship. I was studying social work in Sweden. I was working at the big soup kitchen in town and at a home of safety for teenage boys. At the Soup Kitchen I met John, he was running the soup kitchen at the moment. He is still my friend and he is helping me with placing a lot of the volunteers now, for different projects. I did a home stay in Athlone with an old lady and another swedish girl, Irina, from Stockholm. I spent a lot of time in Ahtlone, Belgravia, Bridgetown and those areas. Hangning out with the people from there. Lots of Braais and home parties. Sometimes Long Street and sometimes Galaxy. I did not go up on Table Mountain.
2009:
Went back in march for 6 weeks with Rebecca from Gothenburg. Met her in 2008, she was volunteering with the same company as me. We stayed in Belgravia, Athlone, again at the house she stayed in when she was here in 2008. I was helping out in the Soup kitchen again and also went with John to the township in Phumlani. The township I'm still working a lot in!
I did not go up on Table Mountain.
2009/2010:
I won a trip! I won a volunteer trip for 2 months, including flight ticket, accommodation and food! Crazy. It was through a competition online for a coffee company..
I went in december 2009-february 2010.
I was thinking of going somewhere else, but I did miss South Africa so much and I felt like that was the right thing to do! I stayed in Observatory, in a volunteer house. I shared room with Nina, from Switzerland that today is one of my best and closest friends. We wnt to Brazil together in 2011. I also shared house with Gee, who is still in Cape Town and a really great friend. I was volunteering at the soup kitchen, and also did a lot of my own things with the street kids, like going to the beach etc. Was helping John with a lot of things. This was also the time when I met Dina for the first time. Dina from Umeå that I later started the Volunteer program for Southern Ambition with.
I did not go up on Table Mountain.
2012:
March:
I got a message from Dina at facebook. Me and Dina had not been talking a lot. But she saw that I posted on facebook that I missed Cape Town. We talked and decided to go back, for 5 weeks in march. We stayed at her friends house in Plumstead. It was a lot of pool hang outs at the house, some nights at long street. Once again I was working a lot with John in Phumlani. I also had about 10 000 rand donation money (from friends and family) with me and with that I fixed toilets, showers and some other things for the shelter John runs in Salt River.
This is when I first met Moses and Southern Ambition. Dina knew them from the last time she was here. We started to randomly talk about starting a volunteer/internship program...
Oh... and me and Dina hiked Table mountain, up AND down :)
September:
Me, Dina and Moses started to talk about starting a volunteer and internship program via Southern Ambition. Moses asked me to come and work for him, to try six months and see how it would go. So, in one week I quit my job, got rid of my flat and booked a flight to Cape Town. During may - august me and Dina tried to get people interested and to book volunteer trips. Success!
Since then I've been here, except for the 3 months I went home to Sweden in june-aug 2013.
And. This is home. More home than Sweden in many ways. I miss my family a lot. And summer in sweden. But that is like 3 months of the year... So no, I prefer Cape Town.
What I fell in love with here?
* The people. Warm, happy, social, easy going and very friendly.
* The nature. Mountains, ocean, forests and a big city in the middle is for sure the most beautiful mix.
* The Food. All the food tastes amazing here. And it's cheap.
* The children. Of course. All the children and people I'm working with are a big part of my life
* The culture/art life. Music, art, comedy, workshops, you name it. There are things going on all the time.
* African time. Even its VERY irritating sometimes, it's more great things coming out of it than bad. I don't stress anymore. I can relax. It's ok to be a little late. It's ok to not be perfect all the time. It's ok to fuck up. Everything is gonna be ok. Hakuna Matata.
* The weather. I prefer 8 months summer and 4 months winter than the opposite!
* The non superficial way of looking at people. People are crazy. Personal. Different. Everyone I know is VERY different from anyone. But we are still hanging out together. No "groups" at all. Just random. I am always my self here and I love it. No judgemental feelings!
here is a short summary:
2008:
I came here in february for a 2 months internship. I was studying social work in Sweden. I was working at the big soup kitchen in town and at a home of safety for teenage boys. At the Soup Kitchen I met John, he was running the soup kitchen at the moment. He is still my friend and he is helping me with placing a lot of the volunteers now, for different projects. I did a home stay in Athlone with an old lady and another swedish girl, Irina, from Stockholm. I spent a lot of time in Ahtlone, Belgravia, Bridgetown and those areas. Hangning out with the people from there. Lots of Braais and home parties. Sometimes Long Street and sometimes Galaxy. I did not go up on Table Mountain.
2009:
Went back in march for 6 weeks with Rebecca from Gothenburg. Met her in 2008, she was volunteering with the same company as me. We stayed in Belgravia, Athlone, again at the house she stayed in when she was here in 2008. I was helping out in the Soup kitchen again and also went with John to the township in Phumlani. The township I'm still working a lot in!
I did not go up on Table Mountain.
2009/2010:
I won a trip! I won a volunteer trip for 2 months, including flight ticket, accommodation and food! Crazy. It was through a competition online for a coffee company..
I went in december 2009-february 2010.
I was thinking of going somewhere else, but I did miss South Africa so much and I felt like that was the right thing to do! I stayed in Observatory, in a volunteer house. I shared room with Nina, from Switzerland that today is one of my best and closest friends. We wnt to Brazil together in 2011. I also shared house with Gee, who is still in Cape Town and a really great friend. I was volunteering at the soup kitchen, and also did a lot of my own things with the street kids, like going to the beach etc. Was helping John with a lot of things. This was also the time when I met Dina for the first time. Dina from Umeå that I later started the Volunteer program for Southern Ambition with.
I did not go up on Table Mountain.
2012:
March:
I got a message from Dina at facebook. Me and Dina had not been talking a lot. But she saw that I posted on facebook that I missed Cape Town. We talked and decided to go back, for 5 weeks in march. We stayed at her friends house in Plumstead. It was a lot of pool hang outs at the house, some nights at long street. Once again I was working a lot with John in Phumlani. I also had about 10 000 rand donation money (from friends and family) with me and with that I fixed toilets, showers and some other things for the shelter John runs in Salt River.
This is when I first met Moses and Southern Ambition. Dina knew them from the last time she was here. We started to randomly talk about starting a volunteer/internship program...
Oh... and me and Dina hiked Table mountain, up AND down :)
September:
Me, Dina and Moses started to talk about starting a volunteer and internship program via Southern Ambition. Moses asked me to come and work for him, to try six months and see how it would go. So, in one week I quit my job, got rid of my flat and booked a flight to Cape Town. During may - august me and Dina tried to get people interested and to book volunteer trips. Success!
Since then I've been here, except for the 3 months I went home to Sweden in june-aug 2013.
And. This is home. More home than Sweden in many ways. I miss my family a lot. And summer in sweden. But that is like 3 months of the year... So no, I prefer Cape Town.
What I fell in love with here?
* The people. Warm, happy, social, easy going and very friendly.
* The nature. Mountains, ocean, forests and a big city in the middle is for sure the most beautiful mix.
* The Food. All the food tastes amazing here. And it's cheap.
* The children. Of course. All the children and people I'm working with are a big part of my life
* The culture/art life. Music, art, comedy, workshops, you name it. There are things going on all the time.
* African time. Even its VERY irritating sometimes, it's more great things coming out of it than bad. I don't stress anymore. I can relax. It's ok to be a little late. It's ok to not be perfect all the time. It's ok to fuck up. Everything is gonna be ok. Hakuna Matata.
* The weather. I prefer 8 months summer and 4 months winter than the opposite!
* The non superficial way of looking at people. People are crazy. Personal. Different. Everyone I know is VERY different from anyone. But we are still hanging out together. No "groups" at all. Just random. I am always my self here and I love it. No judgemental feelings!
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