Another Monday

Today has been a very typical Monday. A Monday in Cape Town.
I set my alarm for 7.30. I don't need more than 8 hours sleep. What happened? I snoozed till 9 anyway. I always tend to do so. When you are your own bosses you can come to office at 11... Nice, but bad for my sleeping habits. So, I ended up sleeping too much and got a head ache the whole day. So stupid. I was supposed to wake up and take a morning walk... Yeah right..
Got to office about 11 and worked for about 4 hours. Then went buying some food ( chicken , tuna, sallad, egg, milk... whatever, trying to eat healthy ok!) and then home to make laaate lunch.
I was supposed to go and meet someone at 5 to talk a bit but she had to cancel so I am now in bed, working a little bit more ( I mean, 4 hours is a bit too little even if we are our own bosses) and then I will watch series.. I LOVE THAT I HAVE WIFI THAT CAN HANDLE TO DOWNLOAD MOVIES/SERIES haha... An episode of a 45 min show takes about 20 minutes to get, not too bad!

Erika is on a 5 day hike, no phone. It's boring to not be able to share my days with him, want to tell him about Saturday night, how tired I was on Sunday and how great "This is Us" is ( best series in a long time) and how much I miss him! And on Friday I go on a Garden Route trip so won't see him until Monday night again.. Well, we did 4 months away from each other last year and then another month in november.. We are ok !

Yeah, that's a Monday for me...

How are you all doing? Not sure anyone will read this tho.. But yeah, if you want to know about my life from 2006 - 2013 this blog tells a LOT! Dig in to the archive, stalkers.. :) 

Me and Cj at work, promoting a young boys caps! 

Topics?

I am trying to get a blog written for African Sunrise ( the company I run with my friend CJ) but I just can't find anything that I really wanna write about. It somehow should have to do with volunteering/Internships/Cape Town/community work or whatever. There should be plenty things to write, I know... I just can't find the right inspiration!
I am so used to write like this, about me, my life, my thoughts... I am not sure that is right for the company blog!? Maybe I should just write about my view of Cape Town? I am not sure...

Anyhow.. Life goes on here in Cape Town. I moved back to Obz, and I love it. I do not miss town at all to be honest. Here you have so many nice cafes and restaurants close around, you can walk to all of them, I know people, I just feel comfortable. I can go to town when I need, it's just 5 km away (Uber is 60 rand .. 40 kronor!).. I also stay in the best house since I moved to South Africa, and have the easiest house mate in Kirsten. Calmness.

Me and Erika are good. Very good. And I am so happy. It's been a journey of 10 months. True rollercoaster. Life is a rollercoaster though. I know it. And the downs are the ones that takes you up later. As long as I know we know what we want I am ok. I know! He is a very humble, honest and loving person and I have never felt like this before in my 32 (!) years of being alive.

Visa story.... Well, I am working on it, trying to find a way around it. A way to be allowed to stay in this country! It's amazing how hard it is even though I spent the last 5 years here.. But I will not give up. This is where I wanna be. I know!

So, just an update about my life I guess...

Will end with my favourite pic of me and Erika....

Just something to start with

Hey hi hello.

Have been some crazy months of my life. Lots of stress and mess but also a lot of love and fun.
I do not fell like my blog is the place anymore to share too much personal stuff.
But I can let you know that I have been through some of my toughest challenges, in several ways and I can only feel one thing about it now; Happiness.
I am so happy that this all have made me stronger, so much stronger. I know so much more about me and what I need and what I want. Oh, I also feel a lot of gratitude. For so many things. Life is not fair and you are a lucky bastard if you have the good things on your side. I am lucky at the moment. I know I will face more struggles, but I also know that I will be able to face them now. I will not run away anymore. I will face it, go through it and come out stronger from it.


That's all for now. BUT I promise to start write more again, ok!?

Life is so fragile

I did not want my next blogpost to be negative.
But I have been too busy to write during the good days.
Now I just really have to get something down here.

I have been through the hardest week of my life.
I never thought I would experience something like this.
I knew I took a risk when I got into this. But you know, it's always like that, "it will not happen to me".. But it did. And at the moment I am just truly sad. Sadness never been bigger in me I think.
I want to hope and believe and trust.

We will see. He is strong. And apparently I am too... Stronger than I ever thought I would be. I would not have been able to handle this 3 years ago. Not at all. I have learned so much about myself the last years, it's crazy. And such a good feeling. Someone said that love is not enough. And it is true. So let's see if the other parts will catch up with the love. I really deeply hope so.

The best job in the world

I have said it before. But I DO have the best job in the world.
I had to say goodbye to the kids today. About 10 boys around 15-17 years old that I have been working with all summer. I have spent more time with them than with anyone else the last 3 months. They have become my family. We have laughed, cried, fought, screamed, played, talked and just learned from each other.

They came to Sweden from another side of the world. Over mountains, through snow, through fire and war, crossing open oceans. They have seen things that I will never even gonna be able to imagine. And still they are the most humble, sweet, nice and caring people. They are teenagers, so no, they are not always nice, polite, calm. No teenager is. BUT they have something that not every teenager has. They have a mission, a vision of survival. They had to leave family and friends behind. To survive. To not die. To not grow up oppressed and treated like animals. This gives them an aura and a strength that not everyone has or ever will have.

THANK YOU for letting me be a part of your life. To let me listen to you, to let me be a friend.

I love you and I will miss you every day. INSHALLAH, I see you in June and by then all of you have got an "yes" and can stay in Sweden. Nothing else can be fair. But I know, the world is not fair. And I really hate that fact. But I feel it in my heart, that our time together isn't over yet.

So, I see you in June!

Time is irrelevant

Time is a weird thing.
Some things feels like they happened a few weeks ago, but it was actually years ago.
Some things feels like it was a lifetime ago, but it was just a few months ago.

I know that I am soon turning 32. But what does that mean, 32 years?
I just know that I appreciate getting older.
I do never wanna be 20-25 again. Confusing years.
I would not mind being 11 forever though.

Still learning. So much. THAT never gets old. No one knows everything. I believe that even when you are 75 you feel confused sometimes. "What do I want and need?" might never be answered.

And that is ok.

I know one thing only; I want to live NOW and appreciate today and tomorrow. I do not live my life to plan what to do when I am 60. That shit is just stressing and depressing, because you will change your mind so many times on the way anyway.

I do not plan my life more than 6-12 months ahead. And I am glad, because it never ended up the way I thought it would anyway. I love it. The unknowing.

I have no idea what this blog post is about. I am just awake, can not sleep, and think a bit too much.

I miss Cape Town, and can not wait to go. But as every year, I feel a bit scared. And I do always think "do I wanna live in Sweden?". Do I ? No. I do not think so. So for the next 9 months I will be in Cape Town and then another 3 months in Sweden. After that, who knows! Max 12 months planning...

Sverige

So I am soon done with another summer back home in Sweden.
All years are actually very different from each other, and I like that.
I like that I still feel like I learn something new every year and feel like I am developing and expanding this side of me. I do not go home for holiday. I work as much, or even more, when I am here. My job in South Africa is still there, almost every day. Emails, contacts with my co worker, meeting students and volunteers that will come to South Africa later, marketing, social media, planning for the next semester. There is not one single day where I do not think about that job. But main focus is still on my job in Sweden, the days I am at work. Even other days too, in the way that the refugee situation in Europe is something that is and always will be a part of who I am. It's been 8 years since I first had my internship at a home for refugee youngsters in my hometown. And I loved it from day one. And I stil say; it's the best job in the world! All the different cultures, religions, ethnical backgrounds, food, music etc. All the conversations and sometimes quite hectic arguments. I love it all. The whole "package".

Last year with my visits to Hungary, Serbia and Greece to help at the borders is a year that I will never forget. It has changed who I am. It has changed my view of people and made me realise so much about myself and also about politics, and how human rights seems to mean less and less in this world. But at the same time as I've seen so much tragedy and coldness I have never felt so much love. It's a weird feeling and I feel that a lot in South Africa too. The people that comes from the worst surroundings and the most terrible life stories, are almost always the most loving and caring.

But being a refugee, running away from home. That desperation that makes you to take the decision to put yourself and your children in a small boat over open ocean, or over mountains in snow and minus degrees, or to lay under a truck or inside a truck that maybe never opens again and you will die.. That is something that I can not even try to explain. To see that look in some of those peoples eyes.. I have a hard time watching anything on tv about this. I cry basically every time. If I close my eyes I am there again, on that field in Rözke in september 2015, hell on earth.

It is still hard to understand that a child that has seen fear, war and death can smile and play and love.
If children could run the world, we maybe would have a chance to survive on this planet.

But, it's time to go back now. To go back home. Because even if I love my job here in Sweden, Cape Town is home. That's where I feel like me. That's where I feel calmness and warmth. I can not really seem to find a way to fit in or really enjoy the every day life in Sweden. I have not in a very long time.

I am excited for the year that is coming up. Lots or work. But in a good way. I am so glad that CJ asked me to join African Sunrise in February! I do not even wanna think of where I would have been today if she didn't.

I am stressing a lot over my visa. It's a long and slow process. I remember from last time. And I know it will be harder this time. Since 2014 it's just more complicated. If I am lucky I have my visa by Jan next year. Until then, everything is a bit unclear. And I hate that. To just wait and to not know. And it's worse when you are in another country where you do not know bureaucracy enough. It is basically the same as in Sweden, but when you read files and papers and directions in a language you don't know 100% it is easy to get confused and stressed.

But, I am not a refugee, I am not in NEED of this visa. I just want it. And this is what I keep in mind. The worst thing thatcould happen is that I would have to go back to Sweden. And that is not a danger for my life or my human rights. So I am very aware of that there are kids in Sweden that ran away from terrible things in Eritrea, Afghanistan, Somalia, Syria etc. that has been waiting 8 months just to get to their first interview at the migrations office. And after that months or maybe years will follow with the process of the asylum application.

So in the end; I will be ok. And I am trying every day to not take that privilege for granted.

Cape Town; See you in 10 days!

A month later

It's been a good month. Ever since I decided to actually deal with reality and face my fears it all has started to feel so much better. I knew this day would come, when it all slipped away and became my new life. It took 1,5 year to get here. But I knew there is no way to rush it. It has to take time sometimes. And it did. And it helped.

I feel like I am really in a big new chapter of my life. I have started a new job, I feel home in Cape Town again, I have chosen the friends I wanted to keep and I have slowly started to open up my mind about the idea of me in a relationship again. I feel alive again. The numbness that I felt for so many months is slowly fading away.

I do not regret many things in life, everything happens for a reason and wherever I end up every little thing on the way has been part of me getting there. Nothing is pointless. Everything leads to the next thing in life.

I have 2 more months in CT before I do 3 months in Sweden again. I feel, as always, very confused about it but I need to go to Sweden for several reasons. Friends, family, kids at work, money. There we go. One day I might just stay in CT 12 months a year and just go home for short vacation in summer. But for now, this is the way I need to do it. I do not complain. Sweden is a good place to charge the batteries at. I love Cape Town but it is sometimes energy draining somehow.

I said I was gonna update here more, but we will see about that. Every time I feel like writing I will. But no pressure. I am writing for ME mostly, then YOU can all get a touch of where I am in life...

Have a GREAT sunday all.

Separation Anxiety

I have come to an end of this emotional train. I needed to go to Sweden for 7 months, come back, and crash again, to realise this. I got told in 2009 that I probably suffer from separation anxiety. I agreed. Then I forgot about it.

Started to travel to South Africa. Started a job in Sweden that I loved and got new friends. So I forgot about it. I wanted to just feel ok. And I did. Until reality came back.

I just need to find a way to feel calm again, or not again... I think I never felt calm. It has always been a storm and a roller coaster. Life.

I need to work on my self esteem, my separation anxiety, my fear of losing people. My self awareness has to come back. I had it for a while. Then I drowned in love. Love for a guy but also love for a new country. I forgot about myself because everything was fun and easy. Until it got hard again.

I'm not sure what's real anymore but I am trying to figure it out.

Progress started.



Vi kan prata i timmar om sånt vi tror vi saknar
och om hur staden och vardagslivet till slut stal all vår ungdom och all vår kärlek
Men vi var inte menade att slåss vi var menade att älska
och jag hatar mig själv när jag hör mig gnälla på dig för nån skitsak

Men inget av det här betyder nått
Det är bara ord som gått vilse i allt det svarta och kommit emellan oss

Tvåsamhet är ondskan och singelliv det dödar vi bygger murar
Runt våra hjärtan för att hålla det tryggt men jag vill inte vara trygg
Jag vill ju brinna och sånt och minnas hur vacker du är
och varför jag en gång föll så hårt och handlöst för dig

Men inget av det här betyder nått
Det är bara ord som gått vilse i allt det svarta och kommit emellan oss

Landed in the mother city!

So, I am back home. And at the same time I miss home. This will never really be a normal feeling. I am used to it, but it's kinda hard every time. It's been eight years since I started this journey. And I am not done with it yet. Only time can tell me what to do or not.

At least I love the sun, ocean, cheap drinks and awesome food. Always.

Will try do some more updates here sooner than later!

Brain over cooked

I moved on. But the fact is always there. he was that one I believed was that special one. And for now I am very pleased with being alone. It is so much easier. I am happier than in 10 years maybe. And it is the first time in 10 years I do not have "someone". The first time I do not have to try to trust someone.

Says a lot.

There are other things more important than love.



I do not want him. I do not want us. But I will always love him. Does that make sense? 

Truth

I really wish I could travel in time.
I wanna know what we say about 2015 in about 45 years from now.
Is this World War III ?
Will IS/Daesh and Talibans be compared with Hitler? Or should the US, UK, France, China & Russia ( and some other countries) maybe be compared with him?
I'm not sure.

The UN that was created after World War II is now (and always been) ran by China, US, UK, Russia and France. Do they really want peace?

UNHCR and Red Cross are jokes.

I have seriously been thinking of moving to a village somewhere in eastern or southern Africa. With no internet connection. And just live day by day without knowing shit about what's going on in the world. My days would be about sleep, eat, friends and work.

The world situation is making me cry several times a week. I am serious. What is happening right now is FUCKED up for real. It is everywhere. Syria, Afghanistan, Eritrea, Burundi, Kongo, Iraq, Pakistan, Palestine etc etc etc.. I am tired.

I always had hope. A belief that things are fixable. In the world, in my life, in love, in everything.
The last 1-2 years have made me stop this belief. I do not see it anymore.

I do not wanna be sad over these kind of stuff anymore. But I could never be happy again, as long as shit is going on like this.

Some words about this refugee situation in Europe..

That word refugee has kind of become a word used as homeless, drug addicts, alcoholic. It is used in the same way. You are supposed to feel sorry for, care for and help them, or you should oppress, hate, despise and blame everything bad in society on them.

Black or white. Up or down. For or against.

It's people we're talking about. Individuals; Children. Adults. Old. Young.

It is not a group of people where everyone is the same, which all do the same things, where all feel the same way or behave and react the same way.

I think this became so much more clearer to me the first time I went down in Europe to help at the border of Hungary / Serbia. I saw it so much clearer. One person at a time, each with their own history. All with different interests, attitude, mood or ideas.

They have only one thing in common to 100% - they have all somehow been forced to leave their home, all the safety they once had (or perhaps never had because they lived in a place where safety never really was a thing). They've all (of the ones I've met) traveled (mostly by foot) through many countries, past several borders of unpleasant police, discarded information and insecurity about what will happen at the next border control.

That is what they have in common.

Otherwise, they are individuals. Can we stop talking about "they" and "we" now? Please?

I was there, in Serbia on the border with Hungary the night of September 15th when Hungary decided to close the border completely. We were some people who realized that "oh well they close the border here in Hungary and this camp (in Rözke) is getting emptied of people so probably there will be lot of people stuck on the other side then when the border is getting closed"

I was there when we were 15 volunteers who built up a camp for at least 1,000 people, when the "real" organizations were not in place. Was it because of bureaucracy? Or because they did not understand better, or because they just did not want / could work at night? No one knows. But they were not there anyway, in a place that we all knew would be a stop for many refugees that during the day had not been informed that the border would be closed. We drove the car back and forth with the sick and the elderly so that they could get to the border before midnight. We shouted at people "Jalla Jalla, border is closing soon". We saw people running with their children in their arms the fastest they could to cross the border to get inside the EU's walls before it was too late. Many did not manage. Many arrived one minute past twelve to see a closed border with a wall of Hungarian policemen who did not care a damn about that their job probably is among the most heinous in the world right now.

For all these people, we were building a camp for the night, when there was no way they could walk hundreds of kilometers in the middle of the night on the country roads in Serbia to Croatia's border. We managed to get them to stay. To get some rest and food.

How did we do this?
Well, we had contacts in Hungary from the camp side that we called, they had to drive through the border and bribe the Serbian police to take in tons of tents, sleeping bags, sleeping mats. We went by car and emptied every gas station we could find from water, food and snacks. We called in doctors (volunteers) and we had luckily an awesome guy on the spot from England who knew Arabic and was the best person to organise and make sure people did the right things to help the best ways. Ahmed, I will never fotget you!

The day after this night was the day when the border police started spraying tear gas and beat both refugees and a journalists ... it was this day things just got worse.

It was that night I realized that volunteers play a major role in this whole situation. We do things others can not or want to do. The big organizations are "clocking out" at midnight many times. The work is not over at midnight. Some of the hardest tasks start at midnight. The big organizations can not do what they want without an "ok" up from the top dog. They ( some of them) just do their job. Everyone does not do it with the heart. Unfortunately. I will never again give money to these organizations. My money will either be used by myself to do such things as we are doing now or it will be given to people, individuals, small organizations that I can see are doing it for the right reasons They are not taking out huge salaries to help in crisis situations,  and no one sits in an office in NY and earn huge money.

I'm so happy for the team that is going to Greek on Tuesday. Good mix of people where I know everyone does this because they want to, because they feel they "need" to do it. We are all doing it because it's unable to sit at home and just watch it happen. It is possible to do something, and we are doing it. It's actually not more difficult than that. Actually! We are really a great mixed group of people going. Different ages, gender, education, ethnicity. This is when it is at its best; When you mix!

By the way: thanks for all the contributions. It will help, lots. Love to you all!

Selfie time

So. It was time for a change. This time the hair! I have not had dark hair since 2012. I've missed it. I'm not 100% convinced but what to do :) It's done. What I do need is some sun, I look very pale with this hair :) Also, I AM very pale in fact. Haha.

I am starting to miss Cape Town more and more. I miss the fun. The chill. The wine. Janilla. I miss to go out and dance till late in the night or early in the morning. I miss day drunk. I miss the ocean I miss the pool. I miss the food. I miss a lot of people.

 This month is gonna be kinda crazy though. Work work work, party, Greece ( refugee aid), Stockholm Student Fair ( Southern Ambition stuff). More work. Madde asked me how many days I have in a year, since I do so much stuff all the time. I do not feel like that's it, but yeah, I am for sure a very restless soul. I do get bored quick and I need action in my life. I think this is why I can not see myself living in Sweden yet. YET. I think I do know I will later. Maybe. Haha. No idea. I change that idea every day, so I better not even try to decide yet. I need more time to figure that out. I need more Cape Town to see if it is Cape Town that I want.

 Ps. I am SO tired of all the racist shit that is going on in this country. It is scary and sad.

 Good night.

Stuck in a moment

It has been 4 months now. I have almost 3 months left. I feel very unsure about it all. What I want, what I need. Where I wanna be, what I wanna do. But I am sure Cape Town will be awesome as always so no stress. But 2016 will probably be a year of bigger decisions.

It is hard, I will say almost impossible to put words on what I have seen in south/east Europe the last weeks. It is so many stories, people, situations that are all different and most of them sad. I have never in my life seen so much misery in one place. I have worked in South Africa in townships with really poor and underprivileged children and I have been in Brazil in the favelas. But this is something else. The desperation and the fact that most of the people run away from bloody war is just making it so so sad. The children look so tired and their eyes are often "empty". What have they seen? What have they been through? How many weeks have they been walking? What do their mother tell them before they go to sleep?

I could talk forever about this. There are so many issues that should be sorted out. There are so many examples of how police, help organisations and other people have been assholes in this situation.
But this has to be TOLD, I can not find words ( in english) to explain it enough in written words..
Just let me know and I would love to tell you what I have seen..

Oh... On saturday I turn 31. Wow. TIME FLIES for sure, haha!

blah blah, I do not have much to say actually.. Just a small update.. LATER!

It's been a while

I seriously did not have any time to write.
I have never in my life been this busy. In a good way. Here are so many things to do, in areas where I feel needed and wanted. I would call myself a workaholic at the moment, I NEED this, I would feel lost without it. Work is the funniest part of my life at the moment and it doesn't bother me one second.

Europe is in a weird situation. More of a situation that big parts of the world always been in. But you know, when it happens here, people are in chock. People can not believe "it is happening here". Time to wake up people! The WHOLE world is fucked up. Europe is not a safe bubble anymore. Time to  stand up and DO something.
I will probably go down south-east again to work a few days for the refugees rights. I think about it every day. Things I've seen. Things I've heard. People I met. I am needed. Everyone is needed there. The resources are not enough, not even close. So, anyone that CAN do something, should. This is a part of the history that  you will tell your grandchildren about. Do you want the question "so, grandma, what did YOU do to help?" and only have the answer"nothing"... ? I seriously think this will be the world war III in the history books.

I have 3, 5 more months here. Half time is now. Feels weird. I do miss Cape Town, but I am not ready to go back. I hope I feel ready in January.

Well, it's only a flight ticket away, and I am fortunate enough to have that choice of "just go back if it doesn't feel right"

I need another year to figure out what it is that does feel right.

Ps. I am finally so over that old ex of mine, and I feel FREE and happy again. I like ME again and I am moving on with my life, stronger than before. I hope that he will find peace in his lost soul one day too. 

Summer vibes and a lost soul

There was a time when I was very open, true and honest on this blog. But it made me fragile. To a point where I suddenly wasn't comfortable anymore. In the last years I have become more closed, more private and less "listen, I feel shit, see me, hear me" and more "life is fucking good and I need to focus on that and tell people to live their lives". I open up to a very few people and they know. I found people that can handle that I freak out sometimes, that I over think stuff and I do still have my days of feeling very very low and lost. But I do not need the WORLD to know every time.

I am not sure what changed. I think Cape Town and my job in Sweden helped me a lot.

I know I said it when I as 20. I said; " When I am older I really wanna live in a warm country when it's winter in Sweden and in Sweden during summer". Back then I didn't have the confidence to think that I would make that happen. I thought I would be the small town girl I was born and stay around and get kids and just be happy to be alive.. But something changed around 2008. I was unhappy, I lived in a sad bubble of low self esteem and a lot of anxiety and really bad periods of just "giving up on life". Then I started to study. And did an internship in Cape Town. This was 2008.
It took me another 1,5 year  and another visit to Cape Town to really wake up and to break up and leave a bad relationship and start to love and respect myself. Not again. Started.  I think I never really loved who I was before. To grow up in a small town and feel that you never really fit in, that you are weird, that you can not be YOU and also be accepted, that fucks you up a little.

There were a few people around me that made me realise that I was ok, that the way I wanted to live life was ok, that I do not have to do and be like everybody else. Being weird is ok. Being A weirdo is ok, and actually more fun than being "normal". I started to talk to other people that travels a lot, that feel that Sweden is not enough, that a need of adventure, culture changes, sun and other stuff are needed in life. I started to realise what I wanted. I remembered that thing I said when I was 20, about living in Sweden during summer and somewhere else during winter. And I started a plan to make that happen

Cape Town. The love of my life. It's been more than 7 years now since I first put my feet on South African land. Since that first time, it has never been more than 9 months between the times I've visited. And in August 2012 I could move and work, FINALLY! I knew it was the right decision. The kids. The people on the streets. The women. They got a hold of me. I could NEVER leave them and never come back. The kids especially. I've seen some of them growing up and I love them as if they were my own blood. I just can not ever leave them.

But, sacrifices were needed. I knew I was gonna leave my full time job in Sweden that I loved. A job that also made me feel that I was ME and that it was a good thing to be who I am. I could give something and I was good at something. Happy as I am I can still work there when I am home in Sweden, which I have been at least 3 months every year. This time a bit longer ( do not ask me about that yet, I am not sure at all how I feel about it... haha )

And now?
For the first time in 3 years I feel a bit lost again. I am not sure what I want or need at the moment. But I've learned one thing, and that is to not stress about it. I can not force myself to feel anything. It needs to come with time. I will see, with a few more months here, what it makes to me.

It is a little scary that I hardly miss Cape Town at the moment.
I think it scares me a bit too, Cape Town. The break up with P has not been easy and I am really not over him and I do still love him. Being in Cape Town scares me. It's a feeling about never letting go and move on. That I will always miss him if I am there. He was the biggest part of my Cape Town life for so long and I have still not adjusted to the life there, without him. But. I promise, I will not make that be in my way. I am going back in January, and I just have to deal. I know I can do it. And I will.

Cape Town is still the best place I know on this planet, so far and I do call it home, more than I call Mjölby home. That says a lot, I think!

Life in a bag and a laptop

Since I left Cape Town 17th of June I have been around and about a lot. I have had zero/nada/none single day with just staying home and doing nothing. There has always been a meeting or work or a trip somewhere. I am still going on like that until the end of August. And then most of the fall too..

Restless Soul on the Roads.

Home. Right now home is with my mum in my hometown Mjölby. A city with 14 000 people. Yes, most people know each other or at least recognise you if you are around the same age. I really do not care though. I have my own room, fast wifi and homemade food. What more do you need? :) I do not have time to do much more than sleep anyway.

Work. For you who doesn't know; I am working at a home for refugee youth. They are 16-18 years old and coming alone as refugees from different countries. Most common countries are Afghanistan, Somalia, Eritrea and Syria. We are their family. 24/7 we are around and we help them with anything you can imagine a teenager needs help with, + a lot of personal stuff and things to deal with, coming from places that are very different from Sweden.. I love it. It's my place, it's what I'm good at, what I wanna do. It is important I get a touch of this every year. It refills me with some great energy and self esteem.

I wanna write so much more, but once again a whole day is gone in emails and chats and meeting.. So Im our, need a brake from the screen. My laptop is my best friend, I guess, no one or no thing is spending more time with me... :)

Over and out!

I'm leaving on a jet plane but I DO know when I'm back again

I also use to say "Cape Town I love you, but you're bringing me down" 

I love this city but I am ready for Sweden now.

“South Africa is a place of spirit-distorting paradox, a land with a bipolar disorder that swings you from joy to despair in the space of a heartbeat. It twists your arm behind your back and ties your sanity in a knot. It bullies you until you’ve forged your opinion on politics, crime, AIDS, the state of the roads, the economy or the politicians.

It’s not for the wishy washy or the fence sitters. It demands you know who you are and what you stand for. It keeps you fit, on your toes and looking over your shoulder. It steals your purse and holds your soul ransom. As much as I was, at times, on the edge of sanity living there, I was also stimulated, driven and felt bungy-jumpingly alive. The shades of happiness and fear mottled. I knew that leaving, like chemotherapy, would kill off the best things in my life as well as the worst.”

- Joanne Fedler

Afrikaburn and some other stuff

My friend Mari did this awesome video from her last visit to Cape Town.

I love it.