Stuff

I WANT THIS! 

Something more important. I'm too lazy to translate everything. But it's about the art project that we are starting next week with the swedish student Catherine. Gonna be awesome!

Fail of the week

So far this week I failed a little bit...

* since friday I had about 100g chocolate (when someone bring swedish chocolate I think that's ok)
* yesterday I had a handful of chips
* still eating way to much carbs. POTATOES are so good!


Good thing: Today I swam 1,1 km in 40 minutes and I really think I can do it faster and also swim 1,5 km soon. Trying to take it slow. But swimming is really my thing! It's also relaxing and a good way of being alone with my thoughts. Some kind of therapy for me!

Today I'm making chicken, tomatoes, pepper, mushrooms, onion and rice for dinner.
Then I'm gonna keep on watching Game of Thrones. I'm on season 3 episode 4 now. Getting better and better! After that I will watch House of Cards.

Well, that was a really boring blog post from me. Haha. Hope you enjoyed.

OK. I will do it. I will fucking blog about my "new life". 

At least in the beginning.
And I don't care if it's boring to read about.
I do write this blog for ME more than for YOU.
I have no self discipline at all, that's why I need to do this. Make it a thing. Write about it. Tell people about it. So I feel like I fail to other people, not just to myself. Then I don't care. SO.

This week;
Sunday : Swam 1km.
Monday: 100 reps of sit ups, push ups and squats. (only 80 push ups)
Tuesday: Swam about 600 m + 15 min core & 100 squats

So from now when I write a post, I will always end it with the exercise of the day.
Maybe I will tell you what I eat to? No... fuck it. That's too boring even for me to write about!

So, I will try to push myself a little harder in 1-2 weeks. This is not hard enough. But I have been lazy and unhealthy for almost 2 years now, so I need to be nice to myself and not rush in to this.

If I could look a little bit more like this in 6 months from now, I will be glad.
This is almost 2 years ago.

New rules

So. I decided to start living a LITTLE bit healthier from now on.
These are my small rules (rules CAN be broken, but I will try not to) :

* As little sugar as possible.
* At least 30 minutes of any kind of activity every day. Walk, run, swim, muscle training etc etc
* Cook more food at home. Less carbs, more salad and fish/chicken.
* Alcohol MAX 2 times / week. ( I know it sounds silly for you people back home in sweden. BUT it's actually something I need to think of here. The social "going out" life is so much more normal here. Sometimes I'm out 4 times in one week. But from now it will be without alcohol some times!)
* smoke less! Much less!

That's it. I will still eat whatever I want, some times, and I will drink, and I wont spend hours at a gym. I will still have my life, the life I want, but a LITTLE bit healthier. It's time!

Then I hope soccer will start next week, as they told me! Then I'm happy!

Life is supposed to be fun

No. Life is not SUPPOSED to be hard. It's supposed to be fun, beautiful, lovely. I think people that have a chance to make their life all of this, should. I can not accept people complaining about their boring life and their boring job and their boring city, and then they don't try to change it.

Think about all the people in this world that has NO chance to follow their dreams. That are stuck in their lives. They have no option. I think everyone complaining about their life and not trying to change it when they actually CAN, should feel ashamed and ungrateful.

I refuse to work just to make money. I refuse to have a job I hate. I refuse to go to a gym just to be healthy and look good. I refuse to read a book or watch a movie because I "should". I refuse to learn new things if I don't want to or have to, just because society thinks I "should" know it. I refuse to do anything that I don't like, if I don't HAVE to. And when would I really have to?  Life is too short to waste on things that are not making me happy.

I am lucky. Lucky that I can chose. I have a choice. And I've decided to be thankful and make the best out of that. To be as happy as I can be. If I'm gonna be healthy I'm gonna find a FUN way of doing that. Not spending even ONE hour of the day doing something boring, if I don't have to.

And I refuse to do what society think everyone should do. I don't give a shit I'm turning 30 this year and I don't even have my own place, I don't have kids, I don't have a work permit in the country I'm living. I'm kind of "floating" around. And I love it! I'm around friends that I love. I live in a beautiful country. I see my friends and family in Sweden every year. I'm happy here.

Please, enjoy your life to the fullest, think about those who can't and do it for them! Appreciate what you have! Live YOUR life and no one else's!

And every now and then, try to do something for someone else. Volunteer one day. Donate old clothes. Give away some food to that guy outside your house looking for food in the garbage. It's easy. Appreciate what you have.

Projects

I feel like I have only been writing about me and what's going on in my head the last weeks. Well, it's been some emotional weeks, so I guess it makes sense.

But here are some exciting things that's going on in my work life:

Photo project in Phumlani:
Today I will go with two of our swedish volunteers to the township Phumlani with a photographer/videographer team from Italy. They are gonna run a long term project with the youth of the community and other townships in South Africa. They will spend 3 years in South Africa for this. The whole thing is based on teaching the youth how to use a camera and then the photos are gonna be based on a child's perspective. So all the photos that is gonna be in the book they make will be taken by the youth. They are amazing, check them out HERE. I am very excited about this. I've been working with the kids in Phumlani the last six years and I love to see them grow, as individuals.

Canvas Art Project:
Catherine, a student from Sweden, is coming here in february to run an art project in a orphanage in Khayelitsha. It's to empower teen girls. More info will come later, but Catherine is very excited about this and with her enthusiasm I'm sure this will be really cool! Here is the BLOG she is gonna write during the project.

The 8th of february we are having another township day again. I am trying to have something at least once a month for the kids out there. (the same kids that are having the photo project)

Much Love.

Inspiration

Billiga hotell Malmö hittar du hos oss! Välj mellan lågprishotell och riktigt lyxrum.

Vote for me here. This is gonna inspire me to update more, to write more and more detailed about me & my life in South Africa. I have been lazy the last months. But I'm back now! So, vote for me?! THANKS!

2014

Cape Town.
Sweden.
Croatia.
Denmark.
Cape Town again.

Great plans.

This is a good year, I really believe that. But it's most because I have made a choice to make it a good year! Changes are good, when it's good changes.

And by the way, I really love him and am so glad that we talked things through and got to another place in this relationship. I feel relieved. And loved. And appreciated. And most of all; I have fun! He makes me laugh, a lot. 

Better!

no, I'm not gonna blog about my training and my food, I've tried that before and it's just not for me.

BUT I wanna mention that the last days I've been eating good food, had basically NO sugar and no "bad" stuff (aka no chips or other snacks) and I have been doing some stuff like basic muscle training at home and went to swim for 30 minutes today.
I will really try to keep this, make it a part of my everyday life. Nothing big and nothing too serious. Next week I will also start playing soccer again! The season will start in february so it's perfect timing. Feel inspired.

Otherwise. Still lots of work. But it's my favourite months in Cape Town now. January - April are great! Matilda is also coming back to visit and hopefully Johanna will come too. On the top of that Karina is coming back to do some work with Southern Ambition for 2 months. AWESOME I say.

Beach day tomorrow. Hard work. NOT. Haha. (taking two new Interns to have breakfast in town and then hitting Clifton) After that 2 meetings, so yes I will actually work... :)

Laters.

(there is so many things I wanna write about when it comes to politics and racism in Sweden. I am pissed... But I am too tired to write. Maybe tomorrow. )

Work is work

January is a crazy month. So much work. But I like it. It's challenging again. I learn. I sweat and swear and go crazy sometimes. But it's worth it. In the end. When I get all the forms from the volunteers/interns that are back in Sweden and they say they loved their stay here and that Southern Ambition is a great company to travel with. Feels good.

My goal in 2012 was to find a way to go here and get to stay here. It's done. Almost.
Next step; getting a work permit.
When that is done; getting involved in some kind of NGO, maybe start my own one together with someone. I've promised myself to be there before 2016. I will.

I have so many plans for this year that feels great. Can't tell about all of them. But Sweden and Croatia is already for sure! More to come... I'll let you know.. Soon.

I AM EXCITED again. I'm back on track.

Me and my friends

Patrick. Mumz. Me. Peter. Stu. Que.
A random saturday in november with tequilas way too early in the morning.

Time to wake up again

Been away for a while. Unlike a few years ago I don't want, or need, to share everything here. I don't need people to know how I feel. Cause these days I can actually TELL my friends how I feel. Something I had a huge problem with, for years. These days it's easier. It's still hard, but I'm trying. And it's probably easier also because I met people the last 2-3 years that understands me more, that I feel like I "click" with and can open up to.

It's been a shitty last month. In many ways. So much stress, a broken heart (that I really hope is gonna be good again, we'll see, small steps) and I've actually been a little homesick.

About homesickness. I miss people. I think I wanna go back. But as soon as I think about actually living in Sweden, work, have a normal life there, I know it's not for me. I just miss people. I wont say I didn't need or appreciate my family before. But I've been getting closer to them the last years, so I miss them more because they have become a bigger part of my life.

I also want things to be good again. Yes with P. I really want that. Just need to figure out how. And if it's possible. I always told myself to follow my heart. I still think it's the right way. The way that makes my heart less hurt, is the way I need to go. And I love him. And I respect him. And I appreciate him so much. I never ever met anyone that great and understanding as him. Now it's a lot up to me to make sure it stays like that, from both sides.

So I just shared a lot here anyway, I see. Haha.

I am ok though. I'm just struggling with a lot of thoughts and feelings at the moment. What I want. What I need. Just need time.

Empty

I can't even explain how I feel. Because I don't know. I feel empty and sad. I have no words. I know it might gonna turn out ok. It's not definitive. But at this moment, right now, I'm just sad and.... EMPTY. But I also wanna take this time and think and see where it's gonna take me. Take us.

I don't feel like doing anything at all. But I also don't wanna sit at home.

All I want for christmas is you.

Lite sådär.

Since you've been gone I can do whatever I want.

But...

I need to calm down again

I need to get back to that mind I had the last 1,5 year. I know I can do it. It just been 2 stressful months. And I admit it, I'm not good with stress. I'm so sorry for all the people that has been affected. I did not mean it. And I will do everything to get back on track now. Thats's a promise to myself and to all of you around me.

Soon its christmas and we are closing the office for 2 weeks. Oh how I need that vacation!

Nelson Mandela 1918-2013

My father telling me about Nelson Mandela when I was a kid made me to always have South Africa as my number 1 country that I wanted to visit.

15 years later I went here. And I didn't leave.

I could never guess that this country would be my home one day. I feel home here, and today I feel very proud to be living in a country that had one of the absolutely best persons ever as a leader.

I will always love this rainbow nation.
If everyone could be a little bit more like Nelson Mandela this world would be a better place to live in.

Rest in Peace Nelson Rolihlahla Mandela

Man the F Up: Sivuyile "Siv" Ngesi at TEDxTableMountain

A friend of mine, Siv Ngesi, is having a serious talk about the rape problem in South Africa.
Man the F up! 

Listen. I got goosebumps...

2013

I think this year has been the most changing and nice year in my life so far. I think I never had a year when I was actually happy all year long. Yes, 3 months in Sweden away from Peter was hard, but also very needed and in the end I can see that it was only good for us. In so many ways. I also had a lot of stress at work, but never in a way that made me sad. Just frustrated. I really got to realise how much my family means to me and I had some moments with my closest friends that really changed my mind. I think this year was that year of relief. I feel relieved. I feel calm. I feel that I'm finally really myself. And I appreciate that and understand that I am good enough. And I'm so damn happy for all the friends that I have today!

I really think that it's true:
I came here to change Cape Town, but Cape Town changed me. 

I have some people back in Sweden that I want to come here. I know it would do good to them, in a lot of ways! This city is really a mind opener. Mostly because it's so ok to be who ever you are and no one is really judging, at all. I think a lot of people back home in Sweden could need to feel that for a while. 

African time.

Today African Time is stressing me OUT!!!! Gosh. How hard is it to plan, organise and stick with it? Seriously.

It's really nice to not have to stress all the time and that it's ok to be a little late and to be able to let people know last minute that you wont come to the party you are invited to (because I'm actually tired). It's nice to be able to over sleep but still have time to shower and eat breakfast. It's nice to just let things be for a day and you know you can fix it tomorrow.

BUT when it comes to work and professionalism it's really annoying and not helping any business at all! Why is it so hard to organise things here in time, and BEFORE things are about to happen? It's more stressing than to have a lot of planning to do... Because when you have planned it all, you can just let it go and do the next thing. You wont have 1000 things to do at the same time.

Well, I guess I have to get along with it or move back home. And we all know I don't want that ;)

I'll never let you go

I'm just a little sentimental. Nothing too bad. I just realise that I have something really good. That I really don't wanna lose. Ever.

Silly me

Ok. Enough. I will stop it now! It's been years. I should have learned by now!

Family.

I normally don't get home sick. It might sound bad. But it's just something about me, I like to be away from home. Even when I was a kid I loved to go away, sleep over at friends places or at my grandmothers place. Whenever there was soccer camps I was more than happy. Might sound like I wasn't happy at home. It wasn't about that. I just really love the feeling of "being on the road". Like this summer when I walked for days to protest about refugee politics in Sweden. We were like 30 people just walking and sleeping at different places every night. Hanging out, chilling and then you bring out your sleeping bag and sleep where ever there is space. It's a little bit like living in a bubble and escape from reality. No "musts" or real rules. It's freedom for me.

Today tho, I miss home. But it's actually more the people that I miss. I guess it has to do with that Matilda been here and she just left. Someone that really knows me was here. It's really relieving to be able to talk to someone and I just have to say three words and she knows exactly what I'm saying. Also this summer was so great in Sweden. I miss the light summer nights. To be able to walk alone in the middle of the night. To not feel like I have to look over my shoulder all the time.

Today I miss my family a lot. I spent a lot of time with them this summer. More than usually. Guess it's that thing called growing up and appreciate things in another way ;) I miss Othilia, she is getting bigger and bigger and it's a shame I miss out on that. I miss my father and my mother. You know, to just go there, hang out at their place, eat food. Just be myself and no need of talk. Just the feeling of being around people you love.

Last year my father came here for christmas. This year it wont be anyone here. I will trust my other family (all awesome friends here) to take care of me. I hope it wont feel way to bad.

But I think this is just for today. I normally don't get homesick. And it's summer here. Soon real winter in Sweden. So I feel okay. I'm good. Just missing some of the loved ones..

Not a good day.

Today is not a good day. Matilda left to go back to Sweden.
And....
... I feel fat and unhealthy.

Just a day like that. I will be ok tomorrow.

BUT I should really start to do something about myself. Talking about my health. My weight. My smoking. My bad living. Seriously. I eat and drink too much. Exercise way too little (like NOTHING) and smoke way too much. Problem is. I have nothing that motivates me. I like food. I like my Hunters Dry and I really don't enjoy to exercise. If it's not football. And I really love a cigaret to my wine ;) lol.

WHAT TO DO?

I have no idea. Start with the smoking part maybe? Should I give it a try? Should I? Do I want too? I only know that I SHOULD. Damn it.

Maybe I should start swimming. Summer is here. There is a pool in Observatory. Its 6 rand to get in. SIX.. That's like 4 swedish kronor. Silly cheap.

Well. I'm not starting today. That I know.

Arcade Fire - Here Comes the Night Time

Im gonna have to be a nerd for a while now.
THIS IS FUCKING GREAT!
Funny as shit and GREAT music.

Arcade Fire is doing it. Again. Always. Love it!

This town.

I was here the first time in february 2008. Since then my love for this town just grows and grows..

Great Saturday.

Pre party at the train. Then 12 hours out door party at the first real summer day! And yeah, as always, great company!

Just dance!

Some blurry pics from last night. Peter forcing me to dance. Just me and him in front of a LOT of people. Just like that. Haha, I love him for doing stuff like this to me and making me realize it's fine.

Important

Varje år flyr tusentals barn till Sverige från förföljelse, förtryck, krig, fattigdom, våld och övergrepp. Väl här får många av barnen fortsatt sina rättigheter kränkta. Barn på flykt måste få sina rättigheter tillgodosedda. Skriv under för att göra barnkonventionen till svensk lag på: unicef.se/flykt 

Every year thousands of children are fleeing to Sweden from persecution, oppression, war, poverty, violence and abuse. Once here, many of the children continued to get their rights violated. Kids on the run must have their rights respected. Log in to make the children rights convention to Swedish law on: unicef.se/flykt

Finally!

I've tried to make this happen for 6 months. Finally it's happening! As my birthday party! It's gonna be great. Peter will host and Gee will run the karaoke at the afterparty. I have some good friends here...

MATILDA!

Friday 11.40 am. That's when Matilda is landing at CT airport! YEY!

Some things

Just some things that are different here compared to Sweden:

* MILK. The milk tastes like cream here. Why? What do we do with our milk in Sweden? Here it's like drinking low fat cream. Uuuuuuuh, not nice.

* SUPERMARKETS. The space to put your groceries on is super small. The cashier will also help you pack your bags (sometimes it's an extra person that does that for you tho). The space after the cashier is even smaller so while the bags are getting packed the next person behind you can't really do anything else than wait. (I mean, if the space was bigger AND I packed my bags myself, the next person could just go on as soon as I payed) The lines are LONG. Also if there is something that they can't see a price on or something else is wrong, another person has to come and help with that, the cashier is not allowed. Lines are getting LONGER.

* CROSSING PLACES. So you press that button to get the green light so you can cross the street. Yes it's getting green. For about 5 seconds. You have to run and even if you run you might not get to the other side in time. I don't know how old people are supposed to do it. I just look at the lights for the cars and cross when they still have red lights.

* ELECTRICITY. You buy it. Like, you have a code for you electricity box. Say that code, pay and get another code that you have to type in when you are back home. It's easy to forget and then you are in a DARK house and have to run somewhere to buy it.. One good thing with that is that you don't over use and get a terrible bill in the end of the month.

* DRINK and DRIVE. Not everyone, but a LOT of people drink and drive. Might not be pissed drunk, but they still drive after a bottle of wine or 5 beers. I know it's the same in south of europe. But still, VERY different from Sweden.

* PRICES OF ALCOHOL. Also different everywhere outside Sweden/Norway. But still. So a glass of whine is R20 (15 kr) here. It is at least R50 in Sweden. Or more. A Shot is like R10-30! Crazy. And dangerous. But I don't complain :)

* PEOPLE. Wherever you go people say "hi" and with a "hi" it's more a "how are you?". If you sit in a train you can talk to the person next to you if you want to, even if you don't know the person. It's not like you have to, but you CAN without getting a look that says "leave me alone". You meet people everywhere that actually can become your friends very soon. It doesn't take weeks or months to get to know people. People open up and share and wanna hang out again and again and again. Most of all you don't have to fit in to a special group of people. If the people isn't Hipsters, of course. HAHA! No, but seriously. I know that there are people like this in Sweden too, but I find it much harder to meet them. I find it much harder to be weird and crazy without getting judged in Sweden. Jantelagen (google it you english speaking people) are still a big thing in Sweden even if we don't wanna admit it. We are supposed to not stick out, to not be too much and also to not be too less. LAGOM (google that too). But I think its changing a lot since Sweden becomes more and more multi cultural. That's nice! I do have hope ;)

Well that's enough for this time. Next time I will bring up more positive sides. This may sound a little complaining. It's not. It's just facts. Facts that I've learned to live with and also love at the same time as it drives me crazy sometimes (especially the supermarkets. It takes like 20 minutes to go in and buy one packet of butter)

October

Been here more than a month already. Also feels like years ago since I was in Sweden. Weird feelings. Story of my life! But a good story.

Matilda is coming here next week! I'm so excited. I really miss to have close friends to hang out with. People that really knows me. The hard thing here is to find friends that will stay long enough to really get close to. The cool people I meet here are almost always people that are here just for a while. And also, I know I'm a little weird and hard to understand so for me it's a little hard to find friends that really becomes close. I am picky since I know that people that don't get me will get tired of me. And I get disappointed. Also story of my life, being scared of being left. I'm working on it. I just try too hard sometimes to not let people too close so it wont suck if I loose them. I need to start trust people and trust that I'm good enough to keep as a friend! ALmost all my friends here are guys. And yeah, I prefer that. Much less drama and less complicated. But they might not get THAT close... It's more random hang outs.

Sad:
Karina left for Germany.
Gee is a very busy woman.
Hanna Fink went back to Germany

BUT:
Malin is coming back for at least 3 months
Elin is coming back for a long time
Matilda will spend a month with me
Dina is coming here over christmas

I have so much to say but nothing to write

I've lost it. The feeling of writing about stuff. I don't know why.

I actually respect my private life much more today than I did before. I don't feel like I need or should share it with too many people. Probably because my life is fucking great and I don't need to prove something. I KNOW it is great. And I don't care anymore if other people wouldn't think so.

With this said; I should take care of what I have, a little bit better. If I loose this life I will hate myself for a long time. I have so great people around me, it's almost silly. The best man I have ever met is my boyfriend, his friends are awesome, my co workers are also my little SA family, everyone in my life is great actually. I picked them with love and I know they all love me back.

I always felt weird, left outside, like I didn't fit in. Because in Sweden you need to fit in... that's the simple answer to why life s easier here; you can always be yourself, you don't have to fit in. That's such a nice thing.

So, I will see how this blog is gonna work out... I'm not sure. I don't even take a lot of pictures anymore and if I do I just put them up at instagram or facebook. And also, it is like 20 people that reads this blog... It's not very exciting. When I was a whining emo girl I had about 150 readers at least, some days. (I guess it's more fun to read about peoples problems and sadness than about a happy person that lives a fucking nice life)


Good night.

Never again

Apologise. Learn from your mistakes. Move on.

I will try this now.

So sorry.

----------------

Today it's SUMMER outside. Finally.

The thing..

The thing about having an AMAZING boyfriend is that a lot of other girls also think he is awesome. I don't like competition :)

Just one of those days

I hate days like this. I know as soon as I wake up that it's gonna be a day like this. I worry about everything, I feel like I'm gonna loose people. I feel like I scare people away. I feel like I'm trapped in myself and my thoughts. I feel like I don't deserve anything or anyone. It's like someone is telling me "yepp, you know these people gonna get tired of you, just prepare for it" .

And I just wanna be self-destructive and run away from everyone before THEY actually are leaving me.

And I can't talk about it to anyone because I just sound weird. And I scare them away even more.

At the same time I want people to know.

I'M WAY TOO WEIRD !

I know tomorrow is gonna be better tho.

Kärlek.

Ni två är just bilden av vad sydafrika borde vara (the two of you is what the picture of South Africa should be)

ååååh. vad söt du är då (oh, you are so sweet)

Inte så söt men glad när människor får uttrycka sin kärlek och leva sina liv utifrån sina tankar (not that sweet but it makes me happy when people can show their love and live their lives after their thoughts)

Just like that

I just wanna say how damn lucky I am.

This year is gonna be busy, hectic, stressful but LOVELY.

I have nothing to write about. Later..

2 weeks

Been here 2 weeks now. Feels like I never left if I'm honest. I feel so much more comfortable now though. I feel some kind of calmness inside of me. I've been looking for that feeling a long time. I know the biggest reason is because I know I can stay here for as long as I want now. And I've found a place to stay where I know I'm gonna feel like home. I share a big flat with Janilla. Just the two of us. I have a big bed, my own balcony and I'm 10 minutes from town and 5 minutes from work. Perfect balance. I also found a soccer team to play with and another big reason; I feel 100% good with Peter now.

I needed those 3 months away to build up my trust to him and to see if he really cares about me. Issues in my head you know.. I can still find myself pretending in my head how it would feel like if he would cheat on me. Stupid fucking head of mine! Normally it starts with a dream that gets me in a bad mood and then I start to think more and more about it. It eats me up. But I've learned to get it to stop quicker and to not really let it get to me to much. But sometimes it's still hard. I'm not sure I could handle something like that again. I've had enough. It's my turn now, to actually be with someone nice. Yepp. And I really think he is. I just have to convince my brain and heart that too.

Tomorrow another volunteer arrives. Exciting. It's gonna be a lot of work this year. Our business is growing for sure. I never been doing something like this before and it's really cool to do something where I feel like I learn something new almost every day. But I must admit. I miss the kids. The kids back home and also the kids here. I need to go to some of the projects soon and hang out with them. Do something. I need some energy. That kind of energy that only kids can give you!

Time to sleep. It's a long day tomorrow!

COLD

Yepp, it is cold. And yepp, it is colder in Sweden during swedish winter. But the difference is that in Sweden you will always come inside and it will be warm. Then coldness is ok, if you know you will get away from it as soon as you are inside. Last night I slept in tights, a top, under a blanket + a big warm sleeping bag. That's how cold it was. I can't wait for summer to hit this town.

Meeting time in the office. Lot's to plan and discuss..

Over and out.

Pictures

My new place 

Cape Town

Ruschka outside the office

On the "mini Bus roof"

Our new sign! 

Just us. Normal as always.

This thing called self esteem

I always had a problem doing things I feel like I'm not good at or stuff I don't feel comfortable with. Like when I took my driver license. That was a night mare. But I had to do it. But there are things I don't HAVE to do. But when I'm in situations where I feel like I "should" do it anyway, just to please someone else, I always end up acting weird. Rude, or angry or just annoying. I should stop this. I should just relax. I'm not very charming when I end up in these situations.

I should be very glad that Peter is an awesome person that can handle this.

No more complaining

Was walking down Long Street. Brought some small money and thought I was gonna go buy some food for some of the street kids if I met them. Saw one of the guys sitting alone. Went up to him and we talked. I asked him how he was and he said he was all good, just one problem.. 
"what is the problem?" I asked. 
"I really need to cut my hair..." 
He told me he had to run to do some business (business I don't wanna know about I guess) and when he came back I just said; "hey, let's go cut your hair, so that you can be problem free for one day, ok?" 

Said and done.

I'm just thinking. How come that cutting your hair can be your biggest problem when you are living on the streets? Well, maybe what WE think are problems are just normal and a part of life for these kids. Nothing to complain about. Just live with it.

I also think I should stop complaining about some stuff. Like the weather. Or that I'm having a cold. It's gonna be summer soon. And the cold is gonna go away sooner or later.

I'm home

Under the blankets, next to the man I've missed more than I realised. It's raining outside. Met all the lovely and amazing friends yesterday. Had too much to drink and sang karaoke until 4 am this morning at some random bar in Cape Town. A little bit sick now. But oh so happy.

Happy to be home.

Really?

So our prime minister wants to save 16 billions SEK on lower taxes. And who will pay for that? School? Old people? Hospitals? Universities?

REALLY?! This is not supposed to be like this. This is not Sweden. Not for me. And not for YOU I hope, my friends!?

Vote red/green next year, please. This has to stop!

13 days left

Wow. Time. Flies. Fast!

Less than 2 weeks left. Sitting at work. Night shift. Last hours at work. Feels weird. Been here 3 months and as always I love all the kids. They are amazing. I learn so much at this job. The kids are giving me inspiration. Inspiration to live my life and never take my life for granted. To come from a country like Sweden is a gift everyone should appreciate. No war. No starving. No nature disasters. I wish that people here could see that and appreciate things instead of complaining about stupid things. People should travel more, see more, learn more. Understand more!

Im nervous about going back to SA. I'm always nervous. But this time is different. I have no idea for how long I will stay. And that's scary as hell. At the same time I'm sure I don't wanna be in Mjölby, Sweden.. Nothing worse can happen than that I have to go back home. And if I have to do that I will be fine. So, I should stop worry. But I guess it's a part of the whole thing. The excitement and nerves playing with my mind. I'm gonna be fine.

Matilda is coming down to visit. And maybe Jennifer. Probably some more people will come too when I tell them that there are flights for about 5500 SEK these days!

And yes. To see Peter again will be really really nice ;)

Great memories.

This one made me cry. Partly in english. Watch it!

Många kloka tankar.

60 km avklarade

Har spenderat fem dagar med www.asylstafetten.se. Kom hem igår kväll efter en grym avslutning i Norrköping med stor demonstration utanför migrationsverket, fest med balkanband och underbart häng med alla dessa fantastiska människor. Jag är lite "frälst" och inser ännu mer nu hur jävla viktigt detta är. Det är så otroligt många som behandlas som skit rent ut sagt i det här landet. Varför? För att de är flyktingar och våra lagar inte tillåter de alla att få skydd här. Kampen kommer fortsätta. De andra går vidare mot Stockholm. Jag har en viktig uppgift att avsluta innan jag åker tillbaka till Sydafrika. En ung tjej från Afghanistan behöver hjälp att gömma sig. Hemskt, men sant. Hon är 17 år, har fått avslag och ska utvisas till Afghanistan. Hennes beslut kom redan i september 2012. I 12 månader har hon nu väntat. Hon har varit i Sverige i 1,5 års tid. Migrationsverket säger att de letar efter hennes mamma. Så är det, är du barn och har en förälder i liv så skickas du tillbaka. Om du dessutom har en lite otydlig berättelse så tror de att du ljuger. Hur lätt ä det att åretberätta hela sitt liv för en främmande människa under någons timma förhör? Försök själv. Vad gjorde du när du var 5 år? Hur såg din hemstad ut? Vad var det för färg på bussarna i din stad? Hur gammal var du när du började skolan? (i Afghanistan räknar man inte ens år och de flesta vet inte hur gamla de är). Det som glöms bort är då att en mamma inte hjälper speciellt mycket mot kvinnoförtryck, tvångsgifte, misshandel och andra inhumana företeelser. Den här tjejen vet att hon inte har en chans till ett värdigt liv där. Antagligen inget liv alls. Tidigare i år skickades en annan ung flicka tillbaka till Afghanistan. Hon hann inte utanför flygplatsen innan polisen hittade henne, våldtog henne och dödade henne. Inte spelade det någon roll då om hennes mamma fanns i landet... Nu är det så att denna tjej fyller 18 i november. Då behöver migrationsverket inte längre följa barnkonventionen så då är det bara att skicka tillbaka henne, då hon anses vuxen. Det bryr sig säkert Afghanistansk polis om.. Suck, jag blir så trött.

Så. Om 17 dagar åker jag tillbaka till Sydafrika. Så konstigt! Tiden har gått så väldigt fort. Förstår inte var all tid tagit vägen! Känner mig lite lite stressad att hinna med allt jag måste fixa innan jag åker. Men det löser sig, det gör det ju alltid ;) Ska på festival nästa helg med Matilda, det ska bli trevligt. På måndag ska jag göra klart min tatuering på armen. Jag ska träffa Anna och Felicia. Jag ska umgås med familjen. Jag ska fixa reseförsäkring. Jag ska vara i Stockholm och träffa Dina, Carro, min bror och dessutom gå på ett möte där. Jalla jalla, det kommer gå bra!

Ikväll blir det familjehäng med extrafamiljen Thelander (pappas Åsas familj) i Skänninge som varje år under Skänninge Marken. Sweet. Länge sedan jag träffade Magnus (Åsas bror).

Skall återgå till jobbet nu. Hörs.

This will be in Swedish.

I can't really write this in English. It's too many feelings and questions in my head. So, I will write in swedish. Feel free to google translate it and you will understand most of it :) !

Jag vet inte var jag ska börja riktigt. Det har varit två helt fantastiska dagar. Fulla av intryck och känslor som är svåra att beskriva. Jag har träffat och även vandrat med Asylstafetten. I korta drag är det ca 25 personer som vandrar från malmö till Stockholm under 34 dagar för att uppmärksamma och kämpa för en mer human flyktingpolitik i Sverige. Läs mer på www.asylstafetten.se . De anlände till Mjölby i torsdags kväll. Jag och en ungdom från jobbet åkte och sa hej och hälsade dom välkomna. På fredagskvällen fixade jag, tillsammans med en massa andra underbara människor i Mjölby, så att de kunde komma och äta mat och senare hade de en presentation och ett diskussionsforum för allmänheten i Gästisparken i Mjölby. Flera av de killar som är asylsökande och även levt som papperslösa i Sverige under flera år berättade sina livsöden för helt främmande människor. Jävligt starkt och jag tror att många blev mer berörda än de trott att de skulle bli. Det märktes att många hade frågor. Frågor som för mig, som jobbat inom området några år nu, är helt självklara, men har svar som merparten av människor i Sverige idag inte har en aning om.

Det är så jävla irriterande att någon kan tro att det finns människor som flyr hit för att det är kul, för att de ska komma hit och leva på våra skattepengar. Det är skrattretande att tro att någon VILL fly från sitt hem, sin familj, sina vänner och allt som någonsin betytt något. Jag kan ibland ha så svårt att förstå hur någon tycker att det låter logiskt. MEN jag är väldigt medveten om att många, väldigt många, tänker så. Sedan har vi de här som säger "jag är inte rasist, och jag tycker vi ska hjälpa människor i krig men......" Och så kommer det där om "skicka hem de som inte sköter sig och som inte försöker komma in i samhället och inte vill lära sig något. skicka hem de som inte lever i krig, det måste ju finnas nåt ställe i deras hemland som är ok? Vi kan inte hjälpa alla. Vi har inte jobb åt dom ändå." etc etc.. Det är så urbota dumt, korkat och naivt.

Jag tänker inte gå in på att svara på alla de här funderingarna och påståendena. Jag vill bara att ni ska veta att det finns så jävla många i det här landet som lever gömda, papperslösa, med rätt till INGET alls. Tror ni att NÅGON väljer detta framför att kunna vara i sitt hemland? Tror ni att man hellre lever i Sverige utan pengar, boende, rätt till vård osv om man inte känner att man måste. Om man inte känner att man inte har nåt annat val? Tror ni också att någon VILL fly sitt hemland? Kanske åka 24 timmar liggandes på en verktygslåda under en lastbil för att ta sig bort från familj och vänner.. Tror i att någon som inte ens kan simma vill åka gummibåt för 10 personer, lastad med 50 personer, över öppet hav för att ta sig ifrån de som betyder mest i deras liv? Tror ni att någon VILL göra det?

Det är frågor som dessa som asylstafetten driver och vill att NI ska uppmärksamma och förstå mer av. Jag vet att alla inte kan veta allt. Det finns massa viktiga saker i världen som jag inte kan saker om. MEN jag väljer då att inte uttrycka mig om dom. Jag väljer att inte påstå saker om det jag faktiskt inte egentligen vet något om. När det kommer till flyktingar och rasism så är det på något vis ok att uttrycka sig även om man inte vet ett skit om sanningen. Det är sorgligt.

Asylstafetten är det bästa som hänt mig sedan jag varit i Sydafrika och jobbat med människor i nöd. Jag har aldrig kännt så starkt för något innan i Sverige och jag vet vad jag vill jobba med när/om jag flyttar hem till Sverige igen. Jag har den där känslan att inget annat spelar roll och jag vill göra något åt detta NU. Det är bara Sydafrika och de projekt jag jobbat med där som fått mig att känna så förut.

Den dagen jag får för mig att komma hem till Sverige igen, då vet jag vad som väntar. Det känns skönt. Jag vet att jag kan om jag vill. Och jag vill när jag vet att jag kan!

Idag gick jag från Mjölby till Vikingstad med detta underbara gäng.
På måndag till onsdag går jag med stafetten från linköping till Norrköping. Följ med!!!!!

Apathy is crap!

Just saying..

I just want to point out that integration means:
"In Swedish politics and debate, the word is often used to denote the process by which immigrants get citizenship, becoming part of Swedish society, where the Swedish society adapt to the change in the population composition of immigration."

Assimilation however, means:
"refers to the process by which a minority, completely abandoning their own culture, so that all of the original cultural differences disappear"

SD are talking about assimilation. And many other games with. But they use the word integration. Not ok.

Oh hello..

Hey. I've been away from this blog for a while now. Haven't got any time or mood for it. I think, when I feel good and calm I don't "need" to write. Because I must say that I have this blog mostly for me, to have somewhere to ventilate my thoughts and feelings. It's relieving. Things that I maybe want people to know but don't really know how or when to tell them. And sometimes for myself, to write it, think about it and after I feel much better about stuff.

Sweden treats me really good. Been the best summer in years. Lots of sun! Good times at work. And good times with family and friends. Needed. I feel like I know more know about me, how I feel, what I want and what's and who's important for me.

One more month left here. Time flies!! Got lot's of time off in august so I will have time to do what I want to and to hang out with people that I don't know when I see again.

I don't know how long I will stay in SA this time. No plan. I take it as it comes. Life in a bag again. I love it. Freedom. Easy. Happy. No worries about what I should do in the future. There is no need of making plans for next year, it will change on the way anyway. Since 3 years back I don't plan more than 3-6 months.. I don't need more. I don't think anyone need more than that if you think about it. You cant know what's gonna happen on the way anyway. And if you think you can plan your whole life you will probably just end up disappointed. Like you failed. That's just stressing! Life for the day or the week at least and you will see that life will be more fun and easy for you. The only thing you need to know that you have somewhere to live, some money to survive and friends around that cares about you!

With that I say; ENJOY LIFE! NOW.

It's been a while.

Yeah. Life is good right now. I don't spend much time at home and not in front of the laptop. It's been work and wine and dance and seeing old friends. The weather has been great the last week too. Lovely. If Sweden always was 25 degrees, sun and friends, yeah, then I could live here. I will try to write a little bit more later this week. Later...

YOU. I miss you. I love you. 

I'm still there

I'm so damn scared of being hurt and left alone. I just understood that today. I knew it before, but thought I was over it. I have not felt like this in a long time. With anyone. It's been years. This is different. And I am terrified. And for some reason I can't really talk about my feelings anymore. I keep it way too much inside of me. But I think that if I don't say it, then no one knows and then it's not that real and I can get over it faster.

When will I ever stop preparing myself for getting left alone? And will I understand I won't be left ALONE. It's ONE person, not my whole life or all my friends. But, well, if you care about someone that much it feels like everything, I guess.

Nothing

I don't have lots to write about. It's mostly about work, eat and sleep right now. Malin visited me for 3 days. Was nice! We went touristing in Sweden. Awesome! This upcoming week I'm going to Stockholm. Full schedule. I will tell more about it after! That's it for me right now, don't have any inspiration to write.. Sorry.

 Missing that little black dude a lot by the way. LOT.